Twelve Days of Christmas Catastrophe
by DewdropLotus
Summary: It's a rare chance to celebrate the holiday at the Black Order, unfortunately Kanda's not cooperating and he and Allen can't seem to participate in a single aspect of celebration without catastrophically screwing it up. But they keep trying anyway. AllenKandaAllen, featuring Timcanpy in a sweater and tons of low-brow comedy. COMPLETE
1. The Christmas Tree Disaster

**Day One  
**_The Christmas Tree Disaster_

A door creaked as it was opened—leading into the large focal room. It was an open space that served as a meeting point sometimes and it became a recreational spot at others. This time, it was going to serve a completely different purpose and Allen Walker entered into it with a big smile—secretly laced with apprehension. At the center of the room were the parts collected for the project that he'd been given as his task for the day. His partner was none other than Kanda Yuu. The man voted most likely to have an entire branch system lodged in his ass—instead of just the customary stick.

He did feel a small bit more fortunate, however, that he wasn't someone that hadn't had previous exposure to the bitter harshness of Kanda. Because any poor Finder thrust into his same position would probably leave with fear branded into their hearts. His project partner was not very good with tasks that required any sort of patience or that involved other people. At least he was more capable of dealing with him.

"Alright, Allen, I trust you'll be fine here?" The question came from the tall man behind him, dressed in white and wearing a pleasant smile that Allen was at least eighty percent sure was filled with some sort of sadism from intentionally throwing him at the one person that could easily bring Allen into a fist fight. Komui really seemed to enjoy dangling Allen over a shark like that. Kanda was adequately comparable to a shark, if for nothing more than the fact that he could bite like no one's business.

Allen knew that from personal experience—metaphorically and literally.

Nodding his head, he watched Komui vanish from his peripheral vision and he turned to fully face Kanda. The man was already in the position to begin the task at hand—pulling things out of boxes and working on a large circular thing with screws in it. The large Christmas tree was lying down beside him—bare and ready to be given holiday spirit. For some strange reason, the image made Allen a little holiday bouncy himself.

Well, until Kanda looked up and opened his mouth with a very Kanda-like statement—bringing out the fighting spirit in Allen and crushing any holiday excitement with it.

"Who said you were helping me with the tree? I doubt you can barely reach past the stand, let alone be useful in decorating this thing." With bored eyes, Kanda dumped out another box of Christmas related things—garlands and pinecones, it seemed. Allen knew that Kanda was both putting on a show and being legitimate in his abuse toward Allen. No matter how many times they'd gone from throwing fists to ruining sheets, Kanda was still Kanda.

"Haha, I know, I'm so short. You're hilarious Kanda. But not hilarious enough. Komui wanted me to make sure you didn't break anything. Someone has to monitor you."

"He didn't ask me not to break you, however." Dark eyes remained fixed on what was in his hands and never bothered to look back up. Kanda wasn't going to make any unnecessary eye contact if he didn't have to.

"Go ahead and try it Kanda," Allen rolled his eyes and moved forward, away from the door and toward the actual war zone. Because that's what it already was—he knew that much.

"I know you're not very good with resisting temptations," Allen's lip curled just a bit and he leaned down with a large, friendly smile, "but do try to keep this experience safe for kids. You never know who may wander in."

Kanda's head turned up and in the same motion, his arm swung and—with the accuracy of a Sniper—he threw a pinecone right into Allen's face. "I will hang you like a fuckin ornament," he hissed after Allen bent to hold his face—bringing him in close enough range to flick him as well.

"Ow, ow Kanda, stop that," Allen swatted at him to make him stop and puffed his cheek out, trying to ignore the marks from the pinecone that his face had made friends with. "There's no need to threaten me yet. We haven't even gotten the tree vertical."

"Unlike you, I've actually been working on it. When you're done being as useful as a lawn decoration, you can come over here and hold the fuckin tree while I get it into the stand."

Allen made a face, but quickly repressed the attitude he was beginning to feel. "Are you sure you don't want me to fix the stand? It's nice and low to the ground. And you can pretend I'm bowing at your feet, my queen." He put his arms up in preparation for another item to be thrown at him, but Kanda wasn't always predictable and he found himself sprawling back on the floor after the taller man's foot swept his legs from under him. He rolled a bit in a pile of decorations and grumbled, trying to throw sparkling things off him—remorseful that he was now covered in glitter. "D…damn it, Kanda…really…"

"You wanted to bow."

He brushed himself off and absently apologized to Timcanpy for crushing him underneath him. With a flick, he sent Tim to find a place to go into standby, knowing that the poor golem wasn't safe as long as he was on Allen's person. "If you're done abusing me, can we get this tree at least standing?" He put on civility as best he could, despite his extreme desire to choke Kanda with string lights.

"The tree is big, we need to lean it up against something until we can stabilize it," Kanda explained, tone of voice still cocky as ever. "If you think you're capable of dragging something about six times your height a few feet, I'll get the stand ready."

He wanted to tell Kanda how much he itched to drag him to a cliff and shove him off—but he was there to prevent things from being broken. Or rather, he was there because they couldn't find anything else for him to do that wouldn't end in disaster. Allen got way too lost, way too easy, so anything that involved any walking around on the complex was already dismissed. Cooking was also out of the question, because they didn't really need anyone else at the moment and Allen was probably not best suited for being around food he couldn't eat. Other tasks had already been given, so that really left only him as both available and capable of handling Kanda.

Dragging the tree was his current focus and he did it while making faces at Kanda. The man was too busy wrenching screws into the stand to notice immediately, but eventually he did have to look up and chose to do it at about the time Allen had his tongue out at him.

"The fuck is that look for, Beansprout?" The Asian man's pretty face was etched with annoyance that was slowly becoming permanent. It was always the pretty ones. "If you're constipated, maybe you should go find something better to do than get in my way."

"Only as constipated as your _personality, _Jerk."

Kanda's face remained as passive as before. "I don't have one of those." He moved over to Allen and flicked his ear in the same motion of grabbing the tree from the top end. "Now lift the fuckin' tree or I will shove it up your ass and use you as the tree topper."

"…Your unpleasantness stems from never getting hugged as a child, doesn't it?" Despite his burning—itching—impulses, Allen lifted the tree along with him—dragging it a bit until they were close to the wall they wanted to use to at least get it in the stand. They could drag it to the center later. "Santa never gave you the doll house you wanted, I assume?"

"I'm warning you, Beansprout." There was no clever retort added to that, because Kanda's warning was usually in preparation for physical abuse and Allen was prepared for that. Getting Kanda's fist thrown at him was comparable to his eating habits. It only happened a few times a day; but when it did, it usually happened in excess.

"If I was afraid of you Kanda, I wouldn't have agreed to watch you think you know how a Christmas tree works."

With that, a pair of hands let go of the tree; but not before making absolutely certain that it tipped backward in the direction of the other person. Allen's face changed colors when he realized that the large green thing was coming down on him faster than he could react to stop it, or move. It was highly fortunate that the tree had a lot of cushion in its branches, but Allen was still quickly shoved under the weight of the tree and both he and it dropped like a sack of potatoes that Kanda decided to fling on to the floor.

Kanda himself stood there with a bland, almost pitying expression—except it wasn't really pity, it was mockery. When Timcanpy floated around, curiously inspecting the scene and to see if his master had died by falling tree, Kanda simply looked at it and flicked it. Tim, instead, perched on his shoulder and kept recording. For a change, Kanda didn't do anything about it. He was too busy standing over the fallen tree that had his sometimes-lover crushed underneath it.

"Beansprout, please, now is not the time to be taking a nap." Kanda opened his mouth to speak at Allen more, but the door interrupted his string of insults and he turned to face whoever had interrupted it. Oh.

It was Lenalee, harboring her smile and soft eyes that could make most people concede defeat without effort. "Kanda? I thought Allen was with you." She looked around, seeing no one and it left her with confusion etched into her fine brow. "I brought some more ornaments. I'll just leave them here. When you see Allen, let him know that some of these are fragile, so don't man-handle them okay?"

"Mmmph!"

Noise. Noise from under the tree and Lenalee's eye wandered to movement and a single flailing arm from under it. Her gaze slowly climbed back up to Kanda and he met her gaze unrelentingly. There was only one person crazy enough to actually give Lenalee sass, and that was only because he wasn't very good at staying dead or staying injured for long. A swift kick to the gut never kept him down for long—even one from her boots. "Kanda, what did you do to Allen!" It wasn't very long after the realization that Lenalee rushed over to help free Allen from the large mass.

"I dropped a tree on him, it was purely accidental."

"Kanda!" Her eyes threatened a future where her heel would be someplace he really didn't want her heel, so he grunted and he moved to help right the tree and free Allen from under it. He thought the stupid brat could have freed himself if he was actually stronger than that, but apparently Allen was too busy French kissing branches to get himself out of such a simple predicament.

Understandably, the moment Allen was able to clamor out, he leapt at Kanda and Lenalee made a quick getaway to not end up in the middle of the scuffle she foresaw. "Okay…I'm going to go now…" She spoke, but assumed very shortly that she wasn't being listened to. She nodded up to Timcanpy and smiled, "make sure you come get me if it starts looking like a death match, okay?"

Neither of them actually noticed Lenalee leave, because Kanda was too busy trying to pry Allen's body off his own. The boy's legs were wrapped around his waist and he was pulling unrelentingly on his hair and not letting go for the life of him. Even if Kanda backed away, he was stuck with Allen attached and attacking him like a feral cat. "God…damnit…Beansprout!"

"You dropped a tree on me, you dumb jerk!" Allen gritted his teeth and pulled on the man's hair again, sharply and actually biting his cheek in the same instance.

Kanda turned his face, like lightning struck him and he pushed Allen's chest like he was made of something truly repulsive—like love and sunshine or something. "AUGh, What the blazing blue fucks! Stop that you heinous little assfuck."

"You started this!"

"Your _face_ started this! Now let go before I throw you across the fuckin country!" He pushed until Allen's legs were beginning to pop his own back and he had to stop. The little pain in the everything had a death grip on him, but Kanda wasn't having it. Diverting his initial plan, Kanda slid a hand up Allen's back and pulled the brat to him until he could bring his mouth down on his with enough force to shock Allen into slacking his grip.

It was in that one moment that Allen's grip slacked that Kanda threw him off like he was a cancer being banished from his body and sentenced to the next few hours of Christmas tree building. In all actuality, Kanda didn't know who suffered more from that situation: Kanda, who had to deal with Allen and his illness called Optimism; or Allen, who had to deal with the punishment known as Kanda's Social Skills.

"Now get your stupid ass up and let's get this tree in place so we can hurl some ugly sparkly things at it and I can go about my business of hating you all in the comfort of anywhere but within sight of you."

"You're so charming, Kanda," Allen wiped his mouth and stood, brushing the pine needles that were sticking into places that he really wanted to fix—but couldn't bring himself to do so in front of Kanda. He didn't want to admit his discomfort and the fact that Kanda had successfully given him a literal pain in the ass.

Regardless, they both went back to the task at hand and Allen decided that Kanda could hold the tree and he'd put the stand on. He didn't tell Kanda this until the tree was up and he let go enough to kick the stand closer to the bottom of the tree. "Hold it," he announced and dropped to the bottom before Kanda could snarl at him.

"Hey wait a fuckin' minute!"

"I'm not going to have a tree dropped on me again just because you're too much of a moron," he snapped and brought the stand closer, realizing that they'd have to lift it more just to get the trunk into the slot. He really had no idea how this stand was supposed to stabilize a huge tree, but the stand was fairly heavy too…Still, the tree was massive. Almost as massive as Kanda's dickishness.

"So…you kneel under the tree in order to avoid having it dropped on you…Your logic is really flawed." Dark eyes rolled, but Kanda held it just the same. The quicker they got to the actual decorating part, the quicker he could stop existing to every other living person for an undisclosed amount of time.

"Kanda, when you're done being a bitch, let me know."

"Well, that'll never happen."

"Which part? You not being a bitch or you letting me know it's happened?" Allen questioned, as he tried to size the screws to fit for the bottom of the tree. With only a motion, he let Kanda know they needed to lift the damned thing and Allen was actually pretty pleased with his ability to communicate without saying anything…Of course, that was because they weren't going to interrupt their discussion of belittling each other over needless business talk.

"I'll be a bitch for as long as you're a Beansprout. So, probably for the rest of my life."

Allen leaned enough to let one hand crawl up the tree and present a kind middle finger within Kanda's sight. "You mean the rest of eternity."

"Yes. Also, it's the approximate amount of time you can go suck a dick for all I care."

"Real mature, Kanda. Did Timothy teach you that one?"

"Do you really want this tree implanted in your ass? Because if you're into that kinda fetish, we're done here." With both feet apart, Kanda lifted the damned tree and listened for the sounds of the stand being slid into place. It wasn't exactly super heavy to him, but it was unwieldy as fuck and he had no choice but to lean the top half on the wall while they wiggled the trunk into the stupid stand. Finally, they were getting places that didn't lead to a brawl. He was fairly certain that Komui would have his ass if he threw Allen off the tower, but he really believed he could do it. Of course, then he'd probably be required to go out and retrieve him and swimming was as far from Kanda's thing as being chaste was Cross's thing.

"It's lined up, now push it in."

"If I had a Pound for every time I heard that one—."

"**Kanda****_. _**I will slug you so hard, I swear to god!" Allen all but squealed at him and struggled to think properly while he worked to tighten the screw in the stand so the tree could stand without help from anything.

"Slug me, Beansprout. I'll turn you upside down and string you from the chandelier."

Allen turned the screw harder than he intended and almost feared breaking something from the way he was grinding that piece tighter. Kanda was frustrating when he wanted to be he really was. "There isn't even a chandelier in this room!"

"I never said it would be this room," Kanda shot back; but really, he didn't even realize the room didn't have one. That was just a thing he'd absently assumed. Just went to show how much attention he truly paid. "Can I lean the damn thing forward?"

"Yes. Please do," Allen grumbled and tightened the screws as they needed once the stand was truly flat and adjusted right. With that, the tree was actually sitting straight and strong and Allen crawled away from it, standing with a bit more distain at being covered in needles. "It looks like it's good to go. Now we have to move it to the center."

"You hold one side and we'll slide it, or would you rather I drop it on you and you can shimmy across the floor like a worm?"

"You're really aggravating, I hope you know that."

Between the two of them, moving it across the floor was about the easiest thing they did. The tree was tall, taller than both of them and Allen was disgruntled to know that it meant ladders were going to be involved—though he was pretty sure he was going to be kicking a ladder from under Kanda at some point, so it brightened his day just a little. Kanda really deserved it, he argued with the polite half of his brain that reeled angrily at him for even thinking of such an unpleasant thing to do to someone he had nerve to call his lover.

There was nothing about Kanda that he could call _love_ly, though. Well, maybe his face. Bitch that he was, he did have a pretty face. It was just delicate and masculine enough to make him attractive and oh…so…_punchable. _

"Now what?"

"What do you mean, now what? We decorate it and then forget this entire month exists," Kanda answered him with a nonchalant wave while he turned toward a box, after quickly cutting the netting that held the branches from waving free. The first box he brought out held a long red, fluffy, shiny thing. Allen had never really decorated a tree and really had no idea what to do with something like that. His assumption was he would be wrapping it around the tree?

Though, Allen picked up the piece he recognized to go around the base of the tree. "Shouldn't we put the tree skirt on first?"

"If you do that, then you'll get pine needles all over it, just shut up and take the pink sparkly thing," Kanda handed him the end of the long ropelike piece and Allen just stood there while Kanda pulled it so that it wasn't in an untangled mess. "Now, when I tell you, just walk around the tree and be useful. Do I need to dangle food in front of you or can you walk in circles unassisted?"

Allen put a hand to his forehead to try and still the loud thumping in his skull, caused by the desire to just leave and let Kanda ruin this tree solo. He was always a real pain, but he was being particularly bad this time and Allen at least felt like he should be given some leeway—you know, being his _partner_ and all. Allen had the feeling he could be naked and making sexy faces at him and he'd still be on the receiving end of his barbed tongue. Hell, they could be rolling in the sheets and Kanda would be insulting him somehow.

"Look, can we just work together on this? Then you can go jump off a bridge and drown yourself, for all I care."

"If you meant that, it might actually make you sound less of a wuss," Kanda's voice changed from that particular point and Allen raised a brow as he watched Kanda walk around boxes to get to the tree, fearlessly standing on one of the ones closest to the tree in order to hook the top of the red garland to a branch. "Okay, princess, now dance around the tree like a good girl for me."

"Yes, _mom_," Allen snipped and walked around the tree while Kanda adjusted the stupid fluffy thing on the way around—moving branches until they reached the bottom where he let Allen take over once he got the clue. That was much easier than he expected—given how difficult of a time they had just getting the thing to stand. "Oh, I see. That's easy."

"Just like you," Kanda made a sneer of a face before he disappeared to the other side of the tree where he was out of Allen's punching range.

"Why are you being so cruel today? Seriously, what's up your ass other than the collection of sticks that seem to be growing by the minute?" Allen was confused. Actually, really confused. Kanda was mean, but he was taking every shot he could now.

"I'm aggravated. I don't want to be stuck putting this fuckin' tree together. I don't get the idea of killing a tree, sitting it up in a room, throwing needless sparkly shit on it and standing in awe of the fact that you just murdered a tree for a holiday that was borrowed from other cultures to represent some character in a fiction novel."

Allen stared at him for a moment. He really didn't believe in the Christmas ideal either, as far as any religion went, but to say it like that… "Have you read that fiction novel?"

"Yes. Jesus dies. Spoiler alert."

"Rude."

"I'm pretty sure Jesus would look down upon half of the things we've done if Catholicism has anything to say about it," Kanda shrugged and picked out some more decoration, eyeballing a particular orb looking ornament. "This is the ugliest fuckin' thing I've ever seen. And I've seen some particularly ugly things. Like your room."

"My room isn't that bad…"

Kanda just stared at him and Allen knew why. His room had an inch thick coating of dust and spiders crawling around from lack of Allen being in it. All the boy ever did in the room was sleep. For a handful of hours at night, Allen was in his room and then he vacated it. Occasionally he'd eat in his room and then left the dishes from time to time and throwing clothes in the corner became a thing after he and Kanda had learned to entertain themselves with each other. So yeah, his room wasn't exactly the prettiest place. "I think you need to just declare it a disaster zone and get a new room."

"Why would I do that, when I can just go to yours?" Allen snorted and pulled a long string of beads from the box in front of him. There were so many of them, in red and blue and green and he had to take a moment just to figure out how to arrange them so he could tell if they were all connected or not. It was confusing him and he looked up and opened his mouth to ask Kanda what to do with him. It was apparent that this wasn't Kanda's first time being forced into tree-building.

Kanda, however, beat him to the punch. "Would you gawking and at shit and get to work? We need this tree up by Christmas, you know." Even as he said it, Kanda was already untangling lights and preparing to lace them around the tree, finding any busted bulbs to replace.

"I…But…There must be like…ten meters of beads here…What are we supposed to do with this many beads?"

"Tie them to your dick and twirl in circles, for all I care. Just make sure this tree is done before you decide to sit and spin."

"…You're so uncouth."

"Yeah, yeah, I know, now put the beads down and help me with the fuckin' lights; I have to get the ladder for these to tie them to the top. And I need you to walk in circles some more."

The ladder was drug from under the pile of mess that Kanda had quickly created in his desire to tear through the project and Allen had an armful of string lights thrust into his possession while Kanda situated the device that would allow him to reach the desired point. Allen watched Kanda, taking in the details of his demeanor as he climbed the ladder and fanned out the branches to allow for the lights to be connected at the top without it looking stupid. He really looked attractive when he was set on something—even if he was a little irritated and somewhat fuming even in his aura. Breathtaking…

And _going down._

Without even thinking about the repercussions, Allen copied Kanda and swiped that ladder from under Kanda swiftly—basking in the man's immediate reaction once realization hit that he was going to be on the floor very soon.

Unfortunately, Allen had not anticipated Kanda grabbing the damned tree on the way down and before he could scramble out of the way; he, the tree and Kanda collapsed in a huge heap on the marble floor. On the positive side, Kanda did not land entirely over Allen, just half across him so that their legs mingled and they'd probably look like some freakish alien monster if someone walked in on them before the tree covered them.

The first person to talk was, of course, Kanda. Grumbling through a half-hearted cough, Kanda struggled to clamor out from under the tree and probably would have, if he didn't have a ladder jammed into his leg. "Goddamn it, Beansprout. Are you as retarded as you look, really?"

"If looks meant anything, _Jerkass,_ then you wouldn't be such a bi…You know, never mind. You have a _bitch _face too."

With that, Kanda stopped struggling and turned on Allen with a snarl, catching the string of lights in a way that circled Allen's neck and he pulled until the boy started making delicious _choking_ noises. "I will end your life, and then you never have to worry about seeing my face again!"

"K…K..K..nda…" The younger male made noises and flailed at Kanda, who simply turned his head so he wouldn't be caught in between getting tree bits in his eyes and Allen's hands in his face. The world was legitimately starting to dim and the fair-haired teen didn't want to die by his lover's hands if he could help it.

His saving grace actually came in the form of a flying little golden ball that had dropped down from his perch and starting bouncing his earthy body on Kanda's face until he had to relent, returning precious air to Allen and making Kanda hiss in annoyance again. Timcanpy abruptly zipped away after Kanda gave up trying to kill his master and left the two of them to lay under the ladder and tree looking like the fools they were.

"You dropped a tree on us," Allen stated.

"You made me do it."

"Don't blame me because you suck."

"Not as well as you do."

"At least I don't fall off ladders."

"I didn't fall, you little shitface, you kicked me from the ladder," Kanda squirmed and tried to turn in place so he could get the ladder from across his legs. At this point the only reason neither of them had given any effort to move was because they'd simultaneously given up on life for a few moments.

"You have no proof of that."

"I'll make Timcanpy play it back."

"…That's cheating."

"Yeah well, you can suck my di—."

"What in the world is going on in here?" A voice cut Kanda off swiftly and he was silently thankful that it seemed to have drowned out what he actually meant as a sexual comment that time. It was Lenalee, again, with Timcanpy perched on her shoulder. Kanda just stared up at her, giving her a bored look and finally drawing the effort the shove Allen out of the side of the wide tree. With him out of the way, he could actually get his foot free—though Allen's legs were still under his and it made it an embarrassing effort to claw out without damaging the tree or them.

"He dropped a tree on me!" Allen, of course, would try to get him in trouble first, but really, he didn't have to try. Kanda did that all on his own.

"I can see up your skirt."

"W…wha!? **Kanda!**" Her leg shot out with a force that probably would have liquefied Kanda's inside if he had been a normal person. It was a misfortune on his part that he could recover from that sort of treatment, because he found himself suddenly free of a tree and a boot crunched into his side. She'd punted him hard enough from the side—where the tree left his body partially showing—to make him roll right over Allen.

Allen grunted at the bulldozed body crushing over him and Kanda made a half-dead sounding cough before laying face down in defeat.

"I am so fucking done with this holiday," he mumbled into the floor.

**To Be Continued…**

* * *

_A/N: Merry early Christmas folks. I know that the 12 days of Christmas actually are supposed to start on December 25th, but it's no fun to have a Christmas fic after Christmas. So I'm going to post 12 chapters of Christmas mayhem and Allen and Kanda failing in every capacity! I'm doing my best to make certain I have all chapters posted by the time they're supposed to, so cheer me on in getting this done in a timely fashion! And I sincerely hope you enjoy a slightly different brand of Christmas fic!_


	2. The Wintry Battlefield

**Day Two  
**_The Wintry Battlefield_

Snow crunched under the feet of several teenagers as they all trekked out the back—taking a cut through the garden to the only large open area on the Black Order complex. It overlooked the vast sea and with the way the sun hung in the sky, everything was glowing with a fresh and sparkling aura. Allen, for one, loved it. It was bright and cheerful—a nice change from the usual feel of stagnation that came with the interior of the building they all now called home.

Well, perhaps except for Kanda. He tended to call the place _prison_, _hell _or the _sewage dump of religion. _Allen still wasn't sure how he was supposed to react to that last one. For the moment, he chose to set that thought aside and enjoy the fresh cold air.

"I can't believe it snowed so much overnight!" Another voice—followed by the sound of boots in snow—trailed behind his. He turned to Lavi, the person who had helped fix he and Kanda's extraordinary tree mishap. Though the reality was that Lavi ended up doing most of the decorations while his partner tried to choke him in various ways—before they ultimately ended up getting kicked out by Lenalee.

Kanda grumbled off at that point and Allen had yet to see him since then. Which, he supposed was probably fine since they had sort of messed each other up fairly good. No hard feelings, but a lot of bruises he didn't really want to have to admit to still having while Kanda walked around looking like a sparkling princess of health.

Allen shook his head and remembered that there were actually other people with him and they were talking—though it didn't appear to him. At least he hadn't made a fool of himself just yet. Thinking about Kanda had tendencies to make him look foolish in action. He remembered nearly taking a nose dive down stairs because his brain decided to take that moment to think of Kanda's silky hair. Kanda was going to kill him one way or another. He truly believed it was a hex.

To top it all off, he and the dainty bastard weren't exactly sharing anything with anyone else. If he was to spend time with others, that meant he couldn't exactly be close with Kanda. For the better, really. As long as Lenalee assumed Kanda was still walking the straight and narrow path, Allen would get to enjoy every lashing he got for his crude comments on her appearance or dress. Sometimes, he thought Kanda enjoyed getting the hell kicked out of him.

Concentration was utterly blown when he felt a large wet thing slam into the side of his head. It sent him into a momentary daze and he looked around frantically—eyes wide and deeply seeded with confusion. Laughter started to trickle into his senses and he finally understood that he'd just been plowed with a snowball. His gray eyes travelled from hand to hand, trying to find the culprit, until they rested over a softly giggling woman who was partially standing in the shield of Marie.

Miranda!?

He floundered a bit. He couldn't just nail her back with one, because that was completely rude. Though, she had made the first hit and it was all fair in love and war—or sometimes the war of love as he'd determined his relationship with Kanda to be. Before he could even bend to scoop a handful, he was already being slugged with another one from Lavi this time.

Now…Lavi wasn't safe at all and Allen's hands took to the snow like a god of snow-war. Curling a chunk of snow, he hurled it at Lavi.

Missing his target entirely.

"Haha! It was nice knowing you, man!" Lavi laughed at Allen, once he saw the Asian girl turn on him with the eyes of a devil. Allen didn't know, but Lenalee was extremely efficient in the art of snowball throwing and Allen was kinda too polite to intentionally fight back. So all he could really do was try to dodge and hope he didn't get snow shoved down his throat at some point. He was sure she hadn't wanted wet snow in her hair—but man, his shot had been dead on.

"Allen, how rude!" She almost had a mocking clip to her tone that Allen thought was just short of Kanda's pretend politeness in degree of evilness.

"It was an accident! I was aiming for Lavi, really!" He held his hands up in defense, but she'd already scooped a bit and set in motion to return the favor. Ducking was just about all he could think to do and once he did, he was actually pretty glad he did, because the loud grunt that followed nearly made him roll with laughter.

It was like his thoughts had summoned Kanda in the wrong place at the right time. When Allen looked back, he saw Kanda was brushing flaking snow from his face—hit square in the middle. The expression he had was nothing short of reproachable. His arms folded and he just kept walking toward them.

It was apparent that Kanda had been out there for other reasons, but had officially been roped into something else. Allen's sense of dread hadn't kicked in until Kanda had already gotten close enough to actually flip him off his feet and into the snow.

"You slipped, Beansprout."

Allen's arms scrambled quickly and he slipped across the frozen ground until his arms curled around Kanda's leg—intent to not let go. "Nice leg you have here."

"The fuck are you doing—." The question died on his tongue when another ball of snow collided with Kanda's cheek. Dark eyes met an equally dark pair and Lenalee folded her arms with a dangerous look—a look that Kanda really ought to be learning not to challenge. When people accuse Kanda of being stupid, Allen suspected they really did mean the literal definition of not being able to learn.

"Be nice to Allen."

Kanda looked around at the blanket of white covering everything around them. "I'd say 'when hell freezes over', but that appears to have already taken place."

"Lighten up, Yuu," Lavi suddenly appeared at Kanda's other side and the Asian male almost engraved his fingerprints into the man from the impulsive itch to slap the dumb off his face. Somehow, he suspected that _dumb_ was DNA deep and it would take a lot more than a life altering open palm to the cheek. "It's Christmas and everyone's together for a change. You know how often this happens!"

"Too often, now someone remove the leg-humping dog so I can go back to preserving my frozen plants." Kanda looked down at Allen and the boy looked back at him. There was a silent moment of challenge and something else, but it was quickly dissolved and Allen made a low, distinguishable bark sound at him. "No, you did not just…"

"Kanda, please," Allen pulled himself to sit in the snow by Kanda's leg—still clutching the warm limb. "If I was humping your leg, you'd know."

"I'm going to kick you into the goddamned sun."

Lenalee interjected and walked right up to Kanda, mashing a handful of snow in his face and leaving her hand to linger just so she was sure he'd get the full experience. After a moment, she smiled sweetly at him and pulled back to watch the snow fall free from his now chilled face.

"…Woman…"

It was a hostile declaration of war at this point.

Lenalee must have known, because she darted out of his direct path, grabbing Lavi along the way and narrowly missing getting a layer of snow kicked at her from Kanda's boot making angry with the pile in front of him. He'd have chased her down and shown her snow if he hadn't had a damned Beansprout making out with his leg. "Damn it, you little idiot, let go!"

"You can't make me!"

Wrong choice of words really, and some part of Allen really knew that the moment he'd said them. Kanda could separate him from his arms if he really wanted to—and he wouldn't put it beyond him to try. Kanda leaned over, showing his mastery of flexibility in the way he could bend and take a grasp on Allen enough to twist him face down into the snow. It was more of a shove, actually, and Kanda ended up on one knee in the process. Allen's only reprieve was a blind hope that no one was watching them too hard.

Kanda nearly threw the boy ten feet when he felt a chilled hand reach up his leg and take a nice grab on places that shouldn't be grabbed. A balled fist reeled up the side of the pale-haired boy's head and Allen—despite the pain of having knuckles shoved into his brain via his skull—couldn't resist laughing. Kanda may have been ready to kick him into a ditch, but Allen had gotten released and a pretty nice feel too.

The throbbing in his head would go away in due time…So while he had the chance, he scurried off, running from Kanda and laughing at him. It was half in Kanda's mind to say fuck it to them and go back to what he had already been outside to do, but there was an itching need to shove them all into four feet of snow and watch them squirm like little bitches.

"Beansprout, come back here or god help me when I catch you!" Kanda growled, using the length of his legs and agility in his benefit. Allen was closest in his sight, but if he caught either of the other two…may god have mercy on them. Allen was always asking for his fair share of Kanda inspired ass kicking, but Lenalee started the snow throwing and she'd have to be dealt with the only way he knew how—and possibly the best way to get himself on Komui's most wanted list. Lavi…Lavi he'd just throw off the cliff and forget he ever existed.

"Like anyone in their right mind would actually listen to that!" Allen retorted, looking back only to see that Kanda was gaining on him and making him need to scramble harder. Kanda was apparently some kind of snow treading Satan spawn. Allen wondered if the snow would actually melt from Kanda's presence if he stood for too long.

His only saving grace was that Lavi and Lenalee had taken into position and hurled snow at him while he was catching on Allen. With no other real option, Kanda stopped mid-stomp and covered his face from the rain of frozen shit coming at him. The little bastard to his left was actually remarkably close and poor thing because Kanda was already half climbed up on the small mount, dragging his hand through the snow and collecting enough to shove right into Lavi's face as he reached him.

The redhead blanched and reeled back, making a disgruntled noise with an open palm mashed into his face—snow wedged between. Kanda pushed him back with a casual shove and flipped back off the mound, sliding down to the flat ground—ignoring the snow that was now flaked in his long ponytail. "One motherfucker down, who wants it next?"

"Me!" Lenalee nominated herself; her voice so close to his head that he could tell she had managed to sneak right up behind him. Her hands wrapped about his head, driving snow right into the side of his ears and making him shiver from the snow in his ears. He couldn't exactly shove her face down in the snow like he had done to Lavi, but he could find ways to show her who was boss of his garden and they were still in his territory.

"Woman, don't make me tell the red-haired asshat what color panties you're wearing," he blurted and gritted his teeth when her hands pushed his head—and subsequently, the snow into his ears.

"…Hey! How do you know that?" Lavi's voice seemed to breech past what had appeared to be his frosty grave and the man sat up—his back covered in snow.

"Kanda likes to look up the skirts of innocent girls," Allen cackled from a far enough distance that he couldn't be snapped in half like twig within moments of suggesting such a thing. Kanda was not into that sort of thing; but he _did_ look up her skirt, so he totally had it coming.

"Beansprout," Kanda shook his head and bent forward, pulling Lenalee by the arms until she was helplessly hefted up on his back. She squirmed and he was appreciative of how anatomy worked and the fact that her legs couldn't bend forward, or he was certain he'd have a boot up his ass in some fashion—be it metaphorically or literally. "I'm not interested in that sort of low brow shit."

"You've have made yourself sound a lot straighter if you'd said otherwise."

Pushing buttons was a pastime of Allen's, clearly, because he was so good at it that Kanda decided to abolish other targets and go after the big one. Lenalee made a rather surprised squeak when she was flung effortlessly over Kanda's shoulders—swung down in front of him where he curled his arms around her and dug his fingers relentlessly into her sides until she was squealing in his grasp. He had to make quick work of her if he was going to catch the fleeing beansprout. With every cruel bone in his body, he brought her nearly flat to the floor, spooned the cold snow with his curled fingers, and shoved a hefty bit of it down the partially opened neck of her coat. She wiggled and made every high pitched noise until Kanda was certain she was done for.

Making and effortless leap over Lavi, Kanda left Lenalee—tired, laughing and shaking snow out of her blouse in despair. He'd deal with Komui's Chinese Water Torture later, probably. For the moment, Allen was the target and he already had a good idea where the little asshat was running off to.

He could see Allen's white hair bouncing as he scrambled down a slope, leading him through Kanda's small training ground. It was like Allen wanted to lead them away from anyone who would witness him turning Allen inside out.

"Beansprout, just stay there and let me pound you for a bit! If you cooperate, your punishment will be a lot less fuckin severe!"

Allen halted for just a moment, sending him a cocky grin before he darted away from him again. "Oh Kanda, I didn't know you were into that kinda thing. Out here?"

By then, they were in a trap area, where neither could run without either tripping or getting caught in Allen's case. Kanda's expression was a lot less amused than Allen's and the taller male had to actually let his own words replay through and sink in before he deftly kicked snow right up unto Allen's face. "You little fuckin pervert. You know what I meant."

"Don't be shy now; you chased me all the way out here to be alone…" Allen was pushing his luck and so far beyond caring. Kanda had long since driven him out of the gentlemanly behavior he'd clung to so hard. Any opportunity to pay return—for snide comments the other made—was abused remorselessly.

Kanda looked around at the small clearing—untamed and overgrown with various plant-life. "Well, it's an improvement to the hell-hole you sleep in."

"Because someone won't give me a key to his room."

"You think I want your butterball turkey ass curling up to me in the middle of the night? Fuck that, you can take your freezing little asshat body and go hug an icecap for all I care."

They circled a bit more and Allen nearly considered running again for the take of the glances he could steal where he'd watch Kanda's hair float about him. Instead, he shot back verbal punches. "Turkey sounds pretty good right now, don't you think?"

"I prefer turkey to be cooked and warm when I eat it, thank you. Not cold, raw and still clucking like a needy little pain in the ass."

"Yes, well excuse me, if someone would quit being so fuckin stingy with the oven, the turkey might get warmed." Allen's arms had folded and his mouth contorted into an obvious pout. Kanda was so adamant about not letting Allen anywhere near him while he was sleeping, but Allen really wasn't a bad sleep partner. He suspected Kanda was afraid of getting caught, but that's what locks were invented for. "You're wasting a perfectly good oven and there's a clucking turkey just waiting to climb in it."

Kanda stopped and stared dead at him, "we're still on bedroom metaphors, right? Because I'm actually starting to think of poultry and this is making this difficult." He shook his head and finally resorted to slumping on a fallen over tree—using it as a seat for the moment. If he was perfectly honest, he was grateful to be out of sight of the others for the moment. He hadn't wanted to be part of any ridiculous snowball fight and really, who was a challenge to someone like him?

No one, that's who.

"What do I have to do to get a key to your room?" Allen finally asked outright. He'd spent enough time in Kanda's room; he figured there was no point in restricting him.

"It's an instinctual reaction to say 'suck my dick', but you'd actually do it and I certainly don't want it to be that easy of a task for you, so…how about you stop being a Beansprout and I'll give you a key to my room."

"…But we already discussed this before. The likeliness of me not being a beansprout coincides with the likeliness of you not being a bitch. I have a higher probability of dividing by zero while breathing water."

"Well, I guess you don't want the key that bad," Kanda shrugged and leaned a bit forward, his elbows touching his knees.

"How does one go about stopping being a beansprout, Kanda?" The younger male wasn't finding Kanda's requirements to be fair or feasible if he couldn't even define what being a beansprout entailed in accordance with Kanda's point of view.

Kanda looked up. His dark eyes shone with a serious glint that Allen perked at seeing. "Come here and I'll tell you." The way Kanda's voice slipped through the cold air matched his eyes and Allen slumped his shoulder—ashamed of showing his willingness to concede for this. "Closer now," he motioned him languidly.

Allen leaned closer, coming just within eye range of Kanda and the Asian male looked intently at him—just before he swung his wrist up and let a nicely formed and well concealed ball of snow collide right up into Allen's face. The snow exploded on impact and covered the boy with the cold wet substance. Gray eyes cast a hard glare that Kanda was pretty sure were only ever given to him specifically.

However, Kanda had just one thing to say to that.

"Ha ha, sucker."

**To Be Continued…**

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_A/N: Thank you guys for the reviews and support ;] I'm glad you're finding this to be your liking. This is my screwed up humor at its finest I think. So, please continue to enjoy and see you tomorrow!_


	3. The Kitchen Calamity

**_Day Three  
_**_The Kitchen Calamity_

"I'm sorry, whoever thought this was a good idea was obviously wrong," a gruff and annoyed person sounded his disgruntlement the best way he knew how—with sneering words accompanied by throwing items around his direct area. Half of the damned things on the counter were like foreign objects from some country he's never been to and he had no intention to acquaint himself with them either. This was not his territory and it was cruel and unusual punishment that he was being forced into this situation at all.

Who in their right mind thought he and the little asshat next to him were capable of following simple instructions written in plain English and itemized to be completely fool proof? As he learned, there was no such thing as fool proof. The two of them couldn't even handle a task as simple as making a Christmas tree stand up for more than ten minutes. Like they could actually successfully mix and bake _anything_.

What was the purpose in them doing it anyway? There were cook weren't there? Those were people who were trained to not to suck at everything that didn't involve swinging weapons around like deranged serial killers. Kanda preferred the swing and slash method to everything in his life. If he couldn't brutalize it, it wasn't necessary.

Probably why Allen was still interesting.

"If we can't do this, Kanda, then we need to just take a long walk off a short cliff. Because that would make us about as hopeless as humanly possible."

"We are as hopeless as humanly possible," Kanda clicked his tongue and rolled a measuring cup across the counter until it nearly fell off the table—caught by Allen's quick hand.

"Stop throwing things off the table."

"Get on the table and I will show you what throwing off the table looks like. That sure as fuck wasn't it." This time, Kanda flicked another thing item and it rolled right across the front of Allen who scrambled to reach for it.

"Kanda, stop it. Or I will shove these things down your throat so you can't lose them."

"Then I'll choke."

"Wouldn't be the first time I'd have seen you choking."

Dark eyes could have boiled water and it was unfortunate that boiling water wasn't necessary for this particular task, because that could have been a useful skill given their placement in the kitchen. "I'm done here," Kanda announced and made the genuine effort to turn around, but Allen caught him by the strings of the apron they'd made him wear.

"No you're not. Unless you're going to tell me you're too dumb to perform a task a monkey can do. The instructions are written here step for step and all the ingredients are plainly labeled. But if you want to submit yourself to actually being the biggest idiot on the complex, I'll happily let you go and do this all by myself with no trouble." The nonchalance in Allen's voice was meant to be a taunting and from the way Kanda tensed, he could tell it was extremely effective.

The black-haired male turned on his heel swiftly and folded his arms. "So…we just shove shit in a bowl, stir and cook it."

"Pretty much."

"Have you ever done this before?"

"No, but it can't be that hard. I mean, this list is literally step by step, Kanda," Allen reasoned, brandishing a neatly written note with flowery writing and hearts all over it. Clearly this was Jerry's handiwork. Perhaps Jerry was a sadist and was watching them from somewhere, waiting for them to botch it up so badly that it would go down in history as the worst cooking catastrophe that had ever occurred… Or Kanda could be exaggerating their inability to perform simple tasks.

"So what the hell are we even cooking?" It hadn't occurred to him to ask until that moment, as he snatched the list and read over the ingredients. There was a long list of things he'd never even heard of in it and some things he didn't want to even imagine in a dessert type food.

"It's apparently called Fruit Cake."

Kanda pursed his lips and made the blandest face he could muster at the name given to him. He wasn't sure if this was actually a joke or not. "Well, you're here, so I suppose this is fitting."

"Look who's talking," Allen rolled his eyes and reached around for the bowl to begin the first parts. Mixing dry materials seemed to be the first task, but if Allen was to be honest, it all looked the same to him. "Kanda, pass me sugar, if you'd be useful enough to do that."

"What the hell do you need sugar for? This recipe doesn't call for it," Kanda inspected the list over again. Of course they'd pick something that the two of them couldn't just slap randomly together and call it food. Delicate food was useless food.

"Yes it does! I saw it on the list." Allen snatched the list from him and skipped down it personally. He _knew_ he'd seen it. Creeping along the lines, he finally spotted what he was looking for and pointed it to him. "Look, brown sugar. Right there."

"You didn't fuckin say brown sugar," the man hissed in return, snatching the booklet the instructions were written in.

"Sugar is sugar!"

"No it's fuckin not, if it was the same, they'd call it all just plain ass boring sugar. Brown sugar is different."

"Racism is wrong, Kanda."

Kanda sucked in a breath through his nose and rolled up the instruction pages and beat them over Allen's skull a few times—not really hurting him, but making him cower a bit from the force of being flogged with paper. "You are a loser."

"Just pass me the _brown sugar,_ will you?"

Allen, in no way, specified exactly what he meant by 'pass the sugar' and Kanda did it in the only way he knew how. He turned swiftly, grabbing the jar with one hand and Allen's hand with the other—dumping the clumpy sugar into it without remorse and perhaps a bit of an attitude present.

"Kanda!" Allen barked and made a face—feeling the grit between his fingers. "That's…Augh, I hate you so much."

"I hate you too, now be more specific or next time you might end up with eggs busted open in your pants. I'm pretty sure you have enough eggs _in_ your body, you probably don't want them in your pants too."

"All I have to say to that," the younger male bit his cheek to keep his voice from raising to a yell, "is if _I'm _carrying eggs, then we're lesbians."

It took several glorious moments for it to catch in Kanda's brain what Allen meant by that remark; but when it did, it was priceless and—of course—followed by another series of Allen getting flogged with rolled up paper. That man asked for it and it wasn't Allen fault if he couldn't keep up with Allen's quick responses. Kanda wasn't as clever as he liked to think he was. If Kanda was _clever_ then Allen was bordering on genius. Though, that really said nothing, because neither of them were the brightest stars in the sky.

Allen found himself soon with a jar of brown sugar mashed into his face and he nearly bit the side of his mouth from the way his teeth grinded. He turned his body enough to snatch the jar from him, nearly choosing to crack it across Kanda's face before he opted to actually get to the point. Kanda could be the idiot who ruined it this time. Last time—with the damned tree—it was his fault. Not this time. This time _he _could be the one ruining the Christmas festivities. "If you're done being dumb, can we continue?"

"I'm waiting on you, Princess."

"The next thing I need is butter and something called …black treacle? What's that?"

Kanda…had no idea. It sounded like a plant name to him, but it wasn't a plant he'd ever seen or heard of and while the items were labeled for them, they weren't exactly set out in the most obvious of manners and definitely not grouped up for the maximum ease. "My guess is an herb?"

"And herb? What kind of fruit cake has herbs in them?"

"The ones that makes you _happy_."

"Kanda, please."

"Help me look. I don't know what it is; if I did then I could tell you whether or not we should be smoking it instead of doing this."

Allen bit his lip and shook his head. Kanda was only like this around him and he wasn't sure now if this was a good or bad thing. Kanda's personality was strong when it was coaxed out and while Allen enjoyed a good fight…like all the time…he didn't exactly want to have to fail every task because he and Kanda were absolutely the worst at everything they did. He actually was beginning to wonder if it wasn't just them being together. Maybe they really were this bad, it was just apparent more quickly when it was multiplied by two. "We don't even know what we're looking for though."

Kanda shifted through things across the table. It was a bit of an annoyance because there were things all over the counter from previous people coming in to do their cooking tasks—because someone had the bright idea to spread out the holiday chores. Who in their right mind decided to give him any task that would result in people consuming it? That was just short of sentencing someone to death via food poisoning. "Everything is labeled, so it has to be here somewhere. If we can't find it, let's just throw something in and pray for the be—." Kanda's eyes fell over a small jar just in front of him.

"Kanda?" Gray eyes turned on the taller male and Allen felt a spot of apprehension at the look Kanda was giving. It wasn't exactly a giving expression—Kanda doesn't leave his face that open—but it was just enough from Allen's knowledge of Kanda to see the bad things he was thinking.

"You're not planning to actually eat this are you?"

"…Kanda, why do you ask?"

No answer. Of course. The man just dumped an amount of some red powder into the bowl and snatched the list from him. "Okay, what next? Wait…why do we have to mix all this shit in different bowls. Why can't we just throw it all together?"

"Because I don't think it works that way?"

"Who the fuck goes this far out of their way for food? Besides, read this goddamned thing, it says you have to put it together anyway. So shove some flour and this other shit in there and I'll grab some eggs."

Light hair danced as Allen's head followed Kanda's movements. "Hey, wait, is it a good idea to let you handle the eggs?"

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"It means I don't trust you with a delicate task like breaking an egg into a bowl without including egg shell and the tears of orphans."

"It'll toughen them up," Kanda replied with a straight, smooth voice. There was no hesitance in his plans to probably ruin this as much as possible. Now Allen was starting to think that they weren't really bad at anything at all…Kanda was just intentionally ruining his life.

"Toughen who up? The people eating this or the orphans?"

"Both."

"You are so unholy. I don't know how you don't light on fire when you enter a church or wear a cross."

"Do you see me wearing a cross? No."

The man ventured to the other end of the room, turning his back to Allen, but that didn't stop Allen from taking the look anyway. Half of him did it just to get away with watching Kanda from the back side. Not his fault. Entirely Kanda's fault. If he'd stop wearing those pants, there wouldn't be this problem…well, actually if he stopped wearing pants there'd be a lot _more_ problem.

"Something interesting you, beansprout?" The man's voice held the slightest bit of annoyance, but that was practically engrained in his speech anyway.

"I'm just wondering how you fit your ass into those pants, Kanda. God gave you the hips of a dainty goddess."

The egg flew before Allen could duck and he really shouldn't have been as surprised as he was—but he discovered that egg has a really unlikeable raw texture from the way he impulsively licked the shattered shell and goo off his face. "Augh…Yuck…" He wiped his hand across his face and glared death rays at Kanda. "Really…Was that necessary?"

"What, you want round two?" The threat hung in the air until Allen's hands went up to conceded to a temporary truce—where he would refrain from making comments on how lovely of a young woman Kanda was blossoming into and that Kanda would refrain from abusing him mercilessly for it.

A light crack filled the silence while Allen distracted himself from their task by cleaning up the ingredients off his face. The slimy feeling of egg on him wouldn't leave and he was seconds from flipping the ingredients bowl on Kanda and storming off to the bath. His logical decision was to leave Kanda alone until they were done and he could just pay him back later—but his impulsive instincts had him reaching out and pulling Kanda's long ponytail with a hard yank, until he got a reaction.

The egg in Kanda's hand crushed under the sudden pressure of his surprised reaction to the burning of his scalp where Allen tried to rip all his precious hair out. "Errgh…Beansprout…" He grit and leaned his head back to lighten the pain and try to not actually lose hair in the process. Allen was unrelenting and Kanda's hand _was _full of egg. An open palm slap finally made Allen back away and grimace from the egg on his face again. Kanda shook his head from the egg splashing in his hair and he grabbed Allen's shirt with that very same hand, shaking him enough to make Allen get that he was going to hurt him very shortly.

It didn't seem to really do anything, however, because Allen was laughing by then and when Allen laughed, it made Kanda mad. Not because Allen being happy was infuriating, but because Allen wasn't threatened by his threats. The temptation to shove his face in the bowl was immense; but for once, he didn't want to fuck it up entirely.

"I need more eggs," Kanda grumbled, sulking back over to where they were stored, and nearly kicked Allen in the shin out of impulse. He could brutalize Allen later. After wiping off his hands, he cracked his knuckles and folded his sleeves higher up his arms. He was done fucking with this and if these people wanted to give him dumb tasks with a dumb person, then he was going to give them dumb fuckers results they wanted.

Or so they thought.

"Beansprout, they have the f…rn…fn? What the …what is this word? Fern? Are we putting ferns in this fruit cake? What the fuck are these people eating?" He brought the paper closer to his face to try and decipher the bubbliest handwriting in history.

"I think that's the fruit, Kanda." Gray eyes peered over the man's shoulder to see what Kanda was too stupid to read.

"That does not look like the word _fruit_. You should be familiar with that word."

Allen pinched Kanda's side and smirked when the man swayed out of his action. His sides were one of his most sensitive spots and Allen could abuse that when no one was looking. "No need to be rude about it, Kanda. We know you're into fruits. You don't have to hide that you secretly like sweet things."

"Get out of this kitchen before I bake you."

"Like…hitting the herb too hard or in the actual oven?"

"Yes, beansprout, I wanna inebriate you," he exhaled through his nose—giving off an incredibly agitated aura before he leaned off to the side to grab the materials and in the process kick Allen's leg out.

Really, Kanda should have known better, but his decision was one that his quick temper chose and he hadn't really considered Allen's quickness and that the boy would grasp on to the first thing that he could going down. So when he found himself nearly choking to death because Allen was pulling down his apron so hard—that it had cut off at his neck—he had no one to blame but himself. The pressure led him to two options and that was hold his ground or collapse right back on the Beansprout. His decision was based on his desperation for air and he tried to scramble for something to stop him from haplessly crashing backwards. Ultimately, he went down and tumbled right across Allen, who made a loud cry in response.

"This is very much your fault," Kanda gasped and pulled the fabric from crushing his windpipe.

"K…Kanda, your elbow is in a dangerous place, please don't…." There was a short sound of fear in Allen's voice that almost enticed the man sprawled across him.

"Oh? So I should grind my elbow in harder, you said?"

"…Kanda…you wouldn't." Actually, yes he would. "Okay, please don't. Come on…I'm not useful injured right?" Nervous laughter made Allen practically transparent. "Right?"

"You're useless anyway."

"That's not the impression you gave me before when—."

Kanda was done with the conversation and he rolled off Allen and turned around, glaring silence right into the boy's throat. "Get off the floor, before I castrate you with a spatula. Let's shove this shit in a pan and bake it and leave. They can enjoy their tasty pastry after it burns into a black brick in the oven."

With a disapproving grunt, Allen sat up after Kanda had already righted himself. However, he remained sitting—leaned back on his arms. "I'll take it out later. If it burns, then we'll have to do it again…Say, Kanda, what was it you put in the mix earlier?"

"Heh, they'll find out later."

A single chuckle—missable to most people—had left Kanda's mouth and Allen shivered a bit because that really made him suspicious of it. "…What did you put in it, Kanda?"

"It's called Cayenne Pepper. It should be interesting to see who breathes fire first," Kanda mused, lifting that same container again—looking at the spice, before adding just a bit more.

"…_Kanda_!"

**To Be Continued…**

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_A/N: Hey there for day three. Glad you guys are sticking with me for this adventure. They're only going to get worse/better as they go. So hold tight!_


	4. The Garden of Disgruntlement

**Day Four  
**_The Garden of Disgruntlement_

"Kanda, will you please just give me a key to your room already?"

"How many times are you going to bother me about that, Beansprout?" Kanda's voice was bland and his attention wasn't diverted from the task at hand. He didn't like this season and it was starting to sink in harder why. This season meant he was constantly dragged into festivities he shouldn't have to deal with being a warrior. This was a thing for people who didn't die on the frontline. His only desire was to sit in his room and meditate until the goddamned holiday passed by and everyone could go back to hating their stupid lives.

Kanda was long ago dubbed the captain of buzzkill.

"It's because I'd like to think I earned it. I've dealt with your personality for months now. That's more than most people even want to try and I can't really blame them now. You're kind of a big jerk," Allen's explanation was simple and cushioned by the politeness of his soft voice.

"If you think that gives you free reign to crawl in my bed and cuddle your frosty ass up to me, then you're dead fucking wrong." Another string of lights shifted through his hands and he tightened any bulbs that were ready to come out and replaced broken ones. All of this technology and this is what people use it on. Portable lights to make his fuckin garden look like a fairy land. Great. To top it off, he'd been barking at people for an hour about stepping on his plants. It was bad enough the weather had killed half of them. He didn't need people being the other half.

Needless to say he was disgruntled. Allen Walker coming over and all but asking to move in with him hadn't exactly lightened his mood.

"I'm not that cold, Kanda. My body just doesn't keep heat as well…but that's not my fault. My Innocence eat away all of my energy."

"I don't care. I don't want to make a habit of it when we could get caught for it at any time. The fact that no one has figured it out is a miracle only saved by the fact that we're giant fuckin dumbasses when people walk in. And it's really our only saving grace that we liked to hurt each other before that makes it convincing when I have to punch you in the face to make people think you weren't trying to snog me."

Allen's face puffed a bit, expressing his frustration but keeping it from showing in a more hostile fashion. "It's not like I would do it every night. But come on, Kanda, don't you ever get lonely locked up in your room _all the time_? I do in mine. I just want the occasional contact with you."

"What's next, beansprout? Are you going to ask me to marry you and have your kid? Because I can't do either of those so you may have to reconsider this before you start pressing these issues so adamantly."

"I…you…" Allen blanched at even the thought of Kanda domesticated in any way. It was giving him a migraine just thinking about it. Kanda would make the worst housewife the planet would have ever seen and if Kanda bred in anyway, the world was justifiably doomed. "Don't be stupid. I know that's a difficult one for you, but I'm not asking for a life devotion. I'm asking for a key to your room so if I get up in the middle of the night and feel like breaking into your room and doing things to you, I can."

A dark brow raised and words died before they were even uttered. Kanda wanted to retort, but they _were_ in a public place and—while they were out of direct ear shot—they were still in range for other people to yell at them.

"Yuuuuuu! Are you done with those lights?" The most annoying voice registered in Kanda's head and the swordsman almost dismissed him as not existing until he repeated his annoying yelling and Kanda had no choice but to reply.

"Goddamn it shut up over there. I'm working on them. And get the fuck out of the flowerbed before I turn you into fertilizer." He couldn't say he hated redheads entirely, but he'd yet to meet one that didn't get on his nerves to the nth power. Lavi was the worst of them, but Cross was pretty high up there. Cross was only even on the list because he was the only person who knew about the little thing that was going on between he and Allen.

That still pissed him off. He'd assumed everyone was dumb to it, but Cross wasn't the type of person to not notice when things had changed a slight and Kanda had been spending a lot more time around the idiot than he had before. It was hard to be discreet when you'd never really been around someone and then suddenly you're always together. At least this was explainable by the fact that Komui was handing out these tasks to them. Komui just liked to watch them struggle and fail together.

Or perhaps Komui was still on that "if they work together, they might learn to like each other" thing. Which, Kanda thought that was ridiculous. If he really wanted them to like each other, he should have just ordered them naked into a bed and _bam_ problem solv—well, partially solved. They were still enemies to some degree and that was just their fate as stubborn males.

"Don't you have a task to be doing, Beansprout? Or are you just going to watch me play with lights?"

"I already did my task, thank you. They told me to come help you, but I don't really feel like it," Allen explained, fiddling with Tim while Kanda did the time consuming task.

It was unfair that he was stuck searching lights while he spotted Lavi from the corner of his eye putting glittery garland strings all over his domain. It made him mad and that's probably why they kept Kanda as far out of his garden as possible. It was his garden, damn it. He should be able to tell them all to get the fuck out. It wasn't like there was a great need to decorate it.

To top it off, there was snow everywhere anyway.

"Then go help someone else," he lifted the lights and pulled them tight to inspect them and make sure he didn't miss anything. "If you're bored, then entertain yourself elsewhere. I don't need you fiddling with your dick, so to speak, in my vicinity."

"If I was fiddling with my dick, I somehow doubt you'd be paying as much attention to those lights you're holding."

"I like how you think I'm that interested in you." Black hair shimmered when Kanda's head flicked up to look at Allen—just for the purpose of giving him that typical 'Kanda disapproves' look.

"I can't blame you for doing it. Really. Don't feel embarrassed. Most guys naturally pay more attention to bigger guys…it's just a natural reaa—AH!" Allen jumped back to avoid being slugged. He nearly was punched across the table he was sitting at.

"Shut your dumb homo mouth. You're not bigger than me," he finalized and it wasn't simply because he was in denial. Kanda refused to compare really, but if he had to, he'd still say they were the damned same. Allen just thought it was funny because Kanda was Asian and Cross thought teaching Allen offensive Asian humor was a good idea. "Besides, it's not like you know what to do with it other than wave it around like a teenage b—oh wait, you are one of those. Hey, get back to me when you hit twenty, okay."

"That's a lie and you know it." Allen was referring to a few things, but most of it involved bedroom talk and he didn't need to clarify here. He'd save that for later when he'd have Kanda swallowing his words.

Kanda turned to snap another comment at Allen, but his eyes were distracted by the flounder flash of yellow in Allen's hands and he squinted just to make sure he was seeing what he actually thought he was seeing. His mouth fell open a bit—with desired speech hanging from a blank script of dialogue that he just couldn't write in words for. It was a toss up between telling Allen to go the fuck away or else, or…

"Are you putting Timcanpy in a sweater?"

Allen looked up from his work, fiddling with the little yellow golem. "Hm? Yeah. Isn't he cute?" Allen held Tim out. The little golem rested upright in Allen's open hands and the little wings spread out and fluttered at the tips like he was modeling for Kanda. The little sweater that Allen had some how forced the golem into was green, red and white and had tiny patterns of a Christmas tree and snow flakes. It was unbelievably…

…cute and consequently, fucking appalling.

"What in the god-fuck are you doing to your golem? This…Beansprout, go get a life." He couldn't think of anything else to say and worst off, Timcanpy decided that Kanda's answer was simply not acceptable. The golem fluttered and hopped around until he decided to spring out and attach himself to Kanda—or more specifically, Kanda's hair.

"He wants you to approve, you know. He likes you," Allen's smile widened and he felt absolutely no pity while he watched Kanda ball his fist up and start beating at Tim until he moved and Kanda nailed himself in the head with his own fist. At that, Allen let out a strong laugh and tried not to gain the man's attention. He'd already experienced enough abuse in the last few trials with Kanda. Today he was determined to have a good day.

"Get him the fuck off me! He's crawling in my hair! Beansprout, goddamnit, Beansprout, get your little fucker out of my business. I'm busy here."

The light-haired teen reached for a string of lights and looks over a few bulbs himself before he cast a glance back over in his partner's direction. "Give me a break, you're just looking at lights, it can't be that hard. Why don't we go actually put them up somewhere? Or are you forbidden from being actually useful because you had Komui crying at your fruitcake?"

"You know, fuck all of you. That fruitcake was actually very good."

"Yes, if you like eating fire and have no soul…I guess you would like it wouldn't you?" Allen watched Kanda's hands kneading Tim like dough now. He was warily watching him, making sure it would turn into something he'd actually have to stop.

"I haven't had a soul from the very beginning, you should be able to tell with your stupid eye."

"My eye can't see lack of souls, Kanda…it can see Akuma's souls."

"…You can't like…tune into different stations on that thing?"

"…Please tell me you're exaggerating your level of stupid here. Because I had you pinned as a little less brain dead than this."

Kanda threw Tim at Allen with a swift swing of his arm, taking a bit of satisfaction that the golem crunched against Allen's face. All it did was leave Allen rubbing his nose and making faces at him, but it was enough for him. His appreciation for abusing Allen probably didn't make him a very good partner or any sort, let alone romantically. However, the damned brat knew what he was getting himself into when he decided to tag after the least friendly person in the complex. "Have your pet back and please go do something with yourself."

"It's not fun doing it by myself."

"I'm sure it's not, however, we all have right hands for a reason. Now scram." The shooing motion that he made with his hand afterwards didn't work, even if he hoped it would. grabbing the string of lights in his hands and curling them around his arm to make a neat loop of them, he finally decided he was going to go elsewhere if Allen wouldn't.

Not that Allen wouldn't follow him—which he did.

"You know, I am dead serious when I say: go find other people to bother. I'm charged with the lights and I'll be fucking damned if I get on a ladder with you anywhere near me."

Allen tagged after him like a lost puppy. "I promise I won't kick the ladder out from under you this time, okay? I'll even help you. We can get them put up in no time, right?"

"I'm not even in charge of putting them up, you dope. I'm in charge of fixing the broken ones and adjusting the ones that are already up, because some people don't check these things before putting them up ands now I have to fix the idiot's mistakes." That idiot, was of course, Lavi. The one who had decided that two year old experimental decorations would be perfectly okay to put up without making a few fixes. It just agitated him that he didn't even have to fix his own fuck-up.

That was mostly because they didn't trust Kanda with lights after the last incident where he tried to choke Allen to death with a string of them. It was entirely not his fault that Allen's neck was exposed and choking him seemed like a highly appropriate thing to do.

"Well, I can still help you, somehow."

"Yes," Kanda stopped and turned on his heel, cocking his head a bit to the side and giving the boy that look he gave people when he was being deadly serious. "You can get the hell out of my sight and help my blood pressure from bursting blood out of all my orifices."

"Your blood regenerates pretty fast, you'll be okay."

Not that Allen took any hints from Kanda's death glare at all. Allen was fully aware of what he was on the receiving end of, he just didn't care. He was bored and a bit lonely. Everyone was busy and when they weren't, they were grouped off in little social things that he really didn't feel like being the third wheel of. Allen also felt a bit apprehensive around the Finders because of his own appearance.

He knew he couldn't possibly look attractive or inviting to most people, let alone the Finders who were the closest people to that normal society. Allen was a freak and it was somewhat strange that this fact didn't bother Kanda any. Kanda was gorgeous no matter how you look at him [and Allen did a lot of looking]. Of all people to take any attention to, Allen figured he could find someone more on his level. Instead, he got Allen: the weird kid with the deformed arm, cursed face and 'old man' hair.

Kanda's taste was weird from all angles, now that Allen took a look at it. Especially when it came to fashion sense. There was a reason why Kanda just went with the uniform. If they didn't think he was gay before he dressed himself, he was certain that Kanda's true colors shone brightly every time he wore a certain sweater.

"I was walking to you, moron."

That voice shattered his thoughts and Allen blinked at him a bit dumbly. He forgot to pay attention to him for a moment there and it surprised him a bit that Kanda even bothered to snap him back. "Sorry, I was busy thinking about how lovely you are."

"…You're going to make me end your life before anything else gets the chance, aren't you?"

"I'm sorry, but it's kind of true. You're kind on the eyes. Anyway, what are you going now?" He'd followed absently and now he had to catch up on what the plan was—even though the plan seemed to be making Allen go away. He had no intention to.

"Pick up the end of the lights so they don't drag and follow me."

Since he wasn't being immediately cast aside, Allen followed instructions and held the stringed lights, letting Timcanpy carry the tail end while he took a few folded meters in the middle. From what it appeared—as his eyes moved around the garden area—Lenalee was the one doing the light hanging now and Kanda was there to deliver the last fixed set.

Kanda was done with watching his garden be sparkled up into this holiday eye bleach. He wanted to end his life seeing his work being covered in things that shouldn't be even hung in the privacy of one's freakish kinky fetishes—let alone publically where other humans would have to gaze upon it.

Everything in him wanted to tear it all down like the disgruntled kid who didn't get what he wanted for Christmas and took it out on whoever could possibly suffer for it. Though, in Kanda's case, just having Christmas meant he wasn't getting what he wanted for Christmas and that turned into a never ending paradox and thought process loop that hurt to think about. In place of thinking, he just made irritable sound effects and stomped off in the other direction.

"Kanda! Thank you for fixing the lights," Lenalee smiled down at him and waved, when he'd finally put them on the table and tried stalking off in silence. With his discreet cover blown, he gave up and looked back up to her.

"When you're done turning my place of serenity into a hellish holiday nightmare, let me know so I can burn this whole place down and throw myself off the tower."

Lenalee only smile, because she probably hoped he was kidding. Kanda wasn't really even sure himself anymore. "Sure I will, Kanda. Hey Allen, don't let him get into any more trouble okay?"

Her wink in his direction concerned Allen a bit. How could anyone ask _him_ to keep Kanda out of trouble? It turned out that Allen _was_ what got Kanda in trouble most of the time. If they were separate, they were half as likely to end up being scolded for whatever they ruined with their antics against each other.

"I'm going back inside anyway," Kanda announced with no delay between the last word and his departure.

Allen shrugged and followed him, watching Timcanpy as a lump, hiding underneath Kanda's jacket—where he'd managed to snuggle in. "So can I have a key yet?"

Kanda just turned his head with that wry look that made Allen scowl apprehensively, "when you openly admit your dick is smaller, then I'll give you a key."

It looked like he'd be getting a key out of Kanda another day.

**To Be Continued…**

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_A/N: I'm so sorry for the lack of Beta'ing on this. I have the migraine of the gods right now and I'm ten seconds from crying myself to sleep because ow. I will fix it later. Until then, i hope you can enjoy this anyway! _


	5. The Shop of Horrors

**Day Five**  
_The Shop of Horrors_

There were many places that Kanda could say he wouldn't be caught dead and unfortunately for him, he bounced back from death all the time. Because fuck him, he was actually standing in the town square surrounded by a bunch of asshat happy people who were actually getting into the holiday spirit. _Holiday spirit my ass,_ he thought to himself, trying to sooth out the headache that wasn't even there yet—it would be there soon enough, he was just getting himself ready for it.

He never did this sort of thing, really. Shopping seemed a little pointless from his perspective. Of course, his perspective was dark and full of short lived thoughts as far survivability went. What was the point in giving or receiving gifts if you wouldn't have the chance to appreciate or make them into long lasting sentimental things? Unlike the rest of them, he knew his lifespan was going to be ridiculously short anyway.

"Can I just go home?" He muttered, folding his arms against the cold that he wasn't exactly fond of. It was a dumb question, because he knew the answer already. After all, Lenalee had kindly put her heel into his spine to get him to come in the first place.

"Kanda! We just got here," the woman with the cruel boots was the one to answer. Her eyes gave him promise of pain if he didn't cooperate. Only she could get away with abusing him the way she did when he was being difficult and there was nothing he could really do in return—not if he didn't want Komui to ship him off to the worst places he could think of as punishment. "At least try to work with us here. It's supposed to be fun."

"Can't I just give you all money and tell you to get out of my hair?"

"But we love your hair, Yuu." Suddenly, Kanda's face was full of dumb redhead and he nearly reared back in fight mode at the way Lavi pressed his cheek to his in some ridiculously affectionate—and teasing—display. Instead, he shoved the dumbass off and stepped back.

"Touch me again and you'll get your own head shoved up your ass for Christmas." A slight snarl framed his words, but he was keeping himself in check. His assigned shopping partner had been Allen. For some reason or another, these morons seemed to think Allen had special abilities to control him or at least make him cooperate. They really had no clue the only reason they could coexist at all was because they were essentially fucking in closets between classes—or some kind of metaphor that could explain what Kanda thought of it as.

Allen, who had watched in silence, finally decided that it was time to get a move on and he stepped up and took Kanda by the arm. The protest was immediate, but Allen wasn't fooling around and swiftly looped his freed belt around Kanda's torso, catching his arms and tightening it until he was dragging Kanda away by the leather strap. Yes, he had taken the time to slip his belt off in advance for this purpose and yes, it worked. Cursing and grumbling as he was, Allen had Kanda restrained and walked him along with little effort.

"We'll see you guys later, if one of us doesn't end up drowned in the fountain," Allen smiled and waved at the two dumbstruck friends of theirs. All things considered, Kanda was being very complacent, but at that point, he really didn't want to have to exert the effort to break through a thick leather belt—even if he knew he could.

So instead, Kanda scowled quietly—walking backwards while Allen pulled him in the direction they were apparently going to go. It was dumb and he looked ridiculous, but if he cooperated, he would be shattering his pride just a little. "So where are we going, beansprout? Can you just drop me off _anywhere else_ and come back and get me when you're done being a woman about this holiday thing."

"We're going to go into a shop and you're going to pick some things out for people. It's not that hard and the least you can do is spend a few pounds on people who have to put up with you all the time. They deserve more than that, but this'll have to do," Allen's tone leaked of pleasantry that his words didn't and it was both confusing and amusing in a way.

"Can't I just give you money and let you do it for me?"

"You don't want to do that, Kanda. I wouldn't hesitate to buy Lenalee frilly pink panties and say they're from you."

Kanda's face screwed up in an unpleasant expression at the concept of Lenalee in something like that. Not only was it like thinking about his sister, but there was the looming threat of death from the Sister Complex known as Komui Lee. "I would certainly strangle you with them before you had a chance to give them to her. In which case, you should be thankful we don't get graves. Or yours would say 'he died in women's underwear'."

"Died _in_ them? What are you going to strangle me then undress me and put them on?" Allen shot Kanda a curious look—brow raised a bit at the concept.

"Actually yes, and I'll put you in heels too. With lipstick and the whole getup. Just for you."

"You're so kind." Silver eyes rolled, but Allen wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of seeing his annoyance. Kanda wouldn't cooperate for anything and Allen was curious with himself for why he was surprised. "If I let you go, will you just work with me long enough to buy things and leave? I'll even help you pick things out. It's not like you have to do it for everyone. Just a few people you want to give a gift to. At least your Mentor and Marie? They're always so good to you, even if you're a massive jerk."

Kanda would barely see Allen from the corner of his eye. His head was turned, but Allen was still pulling him along to the closest shop that looked like it would have a variety of things. "I'm not surprised why Cross abused you, you practically ask for it."

Feet stopped and as a result, Kanda nearly lost his balance. He grunted and stomped his foot like a brat because Allen had actually about made him fear the idea of floundering on the floor without his arms. It would have been a funny sight if Allen wasn't annoyed by Kanda mentioning Cross. "I don't know how anyone actually puts up with you Kanda. I must be flippin' loony to even try. We're not torturing you with hot pokers or ripping your hair out. We're just trying to involve you."

"Involve me in other things! Things that aren't useless. I don't want to be part of a dumb trip to go spend money on things that people will probably toss in a box or throw away in a year. For fuck's sake, you've been in my room. It's barren."

"Yes, it mimics the desolate wasteland that is your _soul_."

"Hey…I thought you said you wouldn't see my soul." Silence settled between them and neither of them moved for several moments. Kanda was waiting for Allen to come up with some kind of clever retort, but the longer he took the less clever it was likely to be and there was also that expression that he couldn't quite figure out. Why was Allen looking at him like he was dumb? He wasn't dumb…well, not dumb enough for that look. "The fuck is that look for?"

"I…" Allen's white hair bounced over his face when he finally shook his head. The corner of his mouth twitched and it became apparent that he was trying to retrain the strange smile breaking over his face. He lost though and the along with the smile same chuckling. For a moment there, Kanda was afraid he'd broken Allen, but the boy finally spoke and explained his apparent bout of insanity. "I don't know what to do with you Kanda. Ha ha. Some how I feel like I should bathe you in holy water, but at the same time, I don't want to evaporate you just yet."

Oh. Kanda's cheek puffed a bit in defense of himself. Allen was making fun of him and subtly changing the subject with it. What a little shithead. "Okay, when you're done accusing me of being a heathen, can we go? Let me free before I hex you."

Allen leaned closer to him, pulling the leather strap just enough to prepare to unhook it. He chuckled right in Kanda's ear, eyes glittering with amusement that hadn't been there before. "If you promise not to summon Satan, then I'll let you go."

"I'm promising nothing." More grunts and Kanda felt the belt loosen a bit. "The dark lord depends on my offerings," he mumbled lowly so only Allen could hear. He really didn't need to have a shitty sense of humor in public when it could get him accused and possibly arrested for whatever excuse the religious nuts would come up with.

"Well, work on selling your soul while we get shopping. Multitask so we don't have to get stuck doing this all day. I'm not exactly wanting to dedicate the rest of eternity to this either," Allen's soft voice spoke strongly as he pushed Kanda toward the door.

Kanda almost turned around and put his fist into the boy's face, but he had an excellent point about getting a move on and Kanda was eager to get back home and crawl into some hidden corner where he could meditate in peace. "I've already sold my soul, beansprout," he remarked as he opened the door in front of him and proceeded to enter the shop—with Allen tagging behind him.

"Is this why your personality is on equal footing with a rock?"

With no instant remark, Kanda narrowed his eyes and kept walking forward. It agitated him when he fell short of responses. He blamed it on how little he actually interacted with people. Allen was something of a freak show, because Kanda was a lot more responsive with Allen. Not by intention, really; but by natural behavior—something that still confused Kanda.

Taking his mind away from the dumbshit behind him, he looked around at the shop they'd entered at beansprout's beckoning. It looked like he could break everything in the store if he even breathed the wrong way. Fortunately, he was graceful enough in movement to not worry about tripping and crashing into everything, but he and Allen together were a disaster waiting to happen and everyone knew that. Why Allen thought it was a good idea to put the two of them together in a place with glass at every angle, he'd never guess.

"Exactly what good is a place like this for?"

Allen exhaled and tried to focus on the socially dead from the neck up creature that was Kanda Yuu. "It's a gift shop. These places specialize in gifts and such. It's an easy place to find stuff for people. Have you _never_ done this?"

"Why the hell would I? I don't even buy my own clothes. Hell, if I don't even know my own measurements. The Order does that for me. Why would I know anything about any other kind of shopping? I work and I meditate. Once in a blue moon: I eat, bathe and fuck you and that's my life in a nutshell."

"Aw, I'm glad I'm such a monumental part of your life Kanda," Allen's expression was dry, but he was deeply amused that he was included in Kanda's impressive list of things he did with his life. "But that is beside the point. All you have to do is get whatever little things you think will suit people you want to give gifts to and you're done."

It was a treasure hunt of 'well, maybe they'll like this' and Kanda found it tedious already. Looking at shelves of class ornaments and sculptures was boring, but at least he didn't have to really think much beyond a simple concept of '_can I give this to someone so they get off my back about being an asshole'_. Easy enough. "Hey, beansprout. Do you think there's some glass thing in here that I could shove up the dumbfuck's ass to show how much I care?"

"We're not in the red-light district, Kanda. Otherwise, I would have had a few suggestions. Otherwise, I'd say just stick with your foot. At least that's free and Lavi's already used to that."

"Should I put a bow on my boot?"

"If you want to. It might give him the impression that you care too much though."

"I can't have that," Kanda shook his head and picked up a little glass butterfly. It reminded him of Lenalee, but for the life of him, he couldn't understand what purpose this thing would have. It was just a little glass trinket that had no real use other than sitting there and looking pretty. Of course, just because he didn't understand it, didn't mean she wouldn't like it and it did seem like something that would catch her eye. He kept it in his hand and moved on. That was one down, he supposed.

"Hey, do you think I should get Miranda a watch?" Allen snickered and lifted a little ornate looking pocket watch.

"You're about as funny as a sack of coal, beansprout."

"Humorless bastard. And quit calling me that already. My name is Allen! It's not a complicated name."

"It doesn't suit you as well as beansprout."

Allen shook his head and kept the watch in hand. He actually thought it was a fitting gift. "You're such a huge dick."

"You would know," Kanda's response was lightning quick, as if he was waiting for it. He probably was, given the smirk that made itself present on his face.

That smirk died quickly when he reached out for another very expensive and fragile item and found Timcanpy perched on it. Under most circumstances, he could ignore Timcanpy—the damned thing only ever bothered him on the rare occasions when it would hop in his hair or bop its body against his face to amuse itself. Here, however, it was fluttering on a very expensive looking glass figure and Kanda didn't want to have to pay for it if it was broken. "B…beansprout," Kanda muttered and turned his head to get Allen's attention.

"Hm?" Gray eyes looked up lazily, taking in Kanda and the sight just passed him. Those lazy gray eyes blinked wider and he had the same trickle of dread. Timcanpy bounced a little at the attention and the item wobbled—making both of them hold their breaths. It wasn't like they could just grab him. If they did anything too suddenly, it would turn into a game and that paved the way for lots of broken things. "…Tim….Timcanpy…what are you doing?" His voice raised a pitch and he twitched when Tim bounced again and shook the glass on the shelf.

Timcanpy hopped from one trinket to another and Allen nearly started hissing in fear of another substantial debt. Tim was his responsibility and the golem was under the impression that this was playtime. This was not playtime. Not playtime at all.

"Beansprout, what the fuck are you going to do about this…" Kanda voice wavered and he tried not to have the same anxiety he could see on Allen's face. He didn't want to get caught up in this shit. If Timcanpy broke anything, it would lead to some horrific chain reaction and Kanda could bet his life on the fact that neither of them had the funds to buy whatever would end up being demolished.

"I don't know…He thinks we're playing!"

"How the fuck does a golem think?! Can't you turn the little motherfucker off?" The taller male reeled forward to stabilize a glass bottle that had nearly been knocked over by Tim's erratic hopping.

"I have more success turning _you_ off than him!"

"Yeah, because it's easy to do that, all you have to do is open your mouth!"

Allen moved around to the other side of the shelf, trying to slowly close in on Tim. "Okay, that's not fair, because I've opened my mouth before and had you _far_ from turned off."

"…That is not what I mean," Kanda nearly threw the shelf at him himself. They should not be having that discussion in public, let alone in a tiny boutique. He was fortunate that the clerk was on the other side of the shop talking to someone else.

"But it's not what you sa—Tim!" Allen nearly cried, catching a rolling item before it careened off the edge of the shelf. The sound of Allen's voice made Tim move around more, hopping off until he was sitting on the edge of a standing book—just out of each of either of them.

"Beansprout…Beansprout stop him. If you don't stop him, I swear to god…"

"You can't swear to god, you don't have a soul," Allen squealed in silent dread, reaching out into empty air to beckon Tim down before the worst happened.

"_Do_ something! I will leave you for dead if he breaks anything."

"Don't you do it, Kanda!" Allen believed he really would leave him and that was the sad part. "Kanda…Kanda get on the other side, the book's teeter—Kanda catch that!"

It was a race around the shelf to grab that book before it crashed into the glass case and cost them all their money and then some. With the swiftness of a god, however, Kanda reached out just enough and broke the fall of that book—leaning on the shelf next to the tall one to get far enough. That was the first exhale he remembered in the precious handful of minutes. "Got it."

"Thank god…" Allen breathed too, grateful that Tim was intentionally doing this, because they'd be a lot more upset and a lot more in debt. Especially given that neither of them could just point at Tim and say Tim did it. The little golem wasn't exactly a normal looking thing and was supposed to be kept discreet anyway.

With the brief second he had, Allen snatched Tim out of the air by the long trailing tail and forcefully shoved him into his jacket pocket, after folding him into a glove to keep him immobile. "Problem sol…" The color drained from his face when he turned back to Kanda and saw the man giving him the worst "I'm fucked" look in history. Allen could easily see why. The exorcist's arm was twitching from the way he was being forced to balance while the glass of the shelf moved under his weight. He had accidentally slid the glass and now had nothing but his distributed weight keeping it from flipping and tossing everything on it to the floor.

"Kanda, don't move, I'll try to slide the shelf back in just…ah…." Allen twitched, right next to Kanda and the older man nearly shrieked at him from the moment he caught Allen's expression.

"No don't you fucking dare! **Beansprout!**"

Allen sneezed and jostled the glass panel in the way that Kanda had no recovery from. He scrambled to catch himself as he heard the torturous sound of glass cracking, but he had already lost the battle with gravity and did the last thing he could to save himself from breaking everything—he grabbed Allen and pulled himself back, letting everything fall at his feet before he ended up tripping himself and sliding to the floor, right on his ass.

"AHgh!"

"…Kanda?" Allen flinched and opened his eyes, expecting to see Kanda brandishing a knife to kill him with. The black-haired man was on the floor instead, grabbing on to his clothes to keep from sprawling back entirely. "…I'm sorry…" He whispered.

"I have glass in my ass because of you!"

"…That's what you get for making suggestions of shoving glass things in Lavi's—."

"I am so fucking done with you."

**To Be Continued…**

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_A/N: Sorry these are getting out so late. I'm trying to keep them as early as possible. But asshats at work. The last one will be posted early in the day if I can. I'm still writing on the last two chapters, but they will be surely done by then. Thank you guys for the responses, and I hope you enjoyed~_


	6. The Wrapping Nightmare

**Day Six**  
_The Wrapping Nightmare_

Timcanpy, in all his Christmas glory, rolled around on the table amongst the varieties of wrapping papers and tape. Eventually, he found a spot under a stray piece of green and gold paper and flopped there, tail twitching. He nearly blended into it with the ridiculous little sweater that Allen had stuffed him in, but Kanda was acutely aware of the little pain in the ass now. With an effortless flick, he shot Timcanpy off the table and folded his arms in front of him again. He was agitated with the dumb little fucker again.

"Kanda, stop abusing Timcanpy, please." Tim's owner could only show his tired annoyance with an eye roll and weak sigh. Kanda had been catapulting Tim from the table since they'd sat down and he had the feeling it wasn't going to stop any time soon. Kanda held grudges it seemed and Tim had caused him to cause a huge mess at that shop. "It could be worse, you know. The shop keeper was extremely nice considering how much damage you did."

Kanda's hand slapped down on the table and Allen jumped back a bit. "Damage _I_ caused? Are you serious? You're the one who pushed the shelf and caused me to drag the whole shit down. If you hadn't done that, I might have been able to salvage it. Your stupid flying ball of asshat is the cause of it anyway."

The way Kanda pointed accusingly at Timcanpy made Allen almost snort. It was so childish just how seriously Kanda was taking it still. It was over and done with as far as he was concerned, but Kanda was holding on to it like Timcanpy was some sort of heinous plague. "Tim is a golem, Kanda. He's not exactly 'smart'. He just does what he does…"

"Yes, well I'm not allowing that excuse. He's supposed to be an efficient tool, not a playful flying fucknut that goes around trying to wreck expensive trinkets."

Allen folded a piece of paper over a plain box and taped it down with about the same level of skill a monkey had, he guessed. This was not where his talents lie and it made him frown a bit, because across the table were several boxes wrapped like the Present Wrapping God had come down from the heavens and done it himself. Kanda, of all people, was apparently some kind of damned paper folding genius. It was almost embarrassing to be shown up this hard by Kanda. "At least be thankful that the shopkeeper pardoned you on account of 'rats'."

"Yes, and I'm still trying to wrap my head around how a rat would ever be bouncing around on the shelves, but apparently that doesn't surprise a clerk. The fuck kind of mutant animals did that place have before, if the man thought we were combating rats?" The apologies from the old man had confused both of them, but they were secretly blessing whatever deity smiled down on them for that moment in time. Well, more Allen than Kanda—mainly because Kanda was threatening to dump every bit of that debt on Allen and that poor boy had enough debts to last the rest of his life and another life if he managed to get one.

"You have those rats to thank for why you were scaling shelves."

"I wasn't scaling shelves, I was trying to stop your fucking creature from breaking everything in the store," Kanda grunted and balled a piece of paper up in his fist before flicking it at Allen's face. The boy just sat there and took the paper flying at him and let it bounce off his cheek.

"Hey Kanda," instant subject change was due, "can you wrap this for me?"

"What are you going to pay me?"

A groan and Allen blinked slowly at him. Leave it to Kanda to give him a hard time over a simple request. He couldn't get any favors out of Kanda without effort and sometimes he had to wonder if the effort was actually worth the end result. "Come on, Kanda. I suck at this and you're obviously far beyond my level of paper wrapping and fancy bow tying."

"It's a stick on bow, you homo. I don't bow tie."

"Either way, there are fancy bows and nicely wrapped paper. I can't nicely wrap paper for anything, so can you held me out a little? Please? I'll leave you alone…"

"No you won't," Kanda's words cut simply and Allen puffed his cheek.

"Okay, you're right. No I won't…but…Please? I'm serious, this is going to look like a monkey did it. It takes you half as long to do it. I don't know what you're doing differently, but you're doing it successfully…"

"Flattery gets you nowhere, beansprout." That was a lie, because Kanda already had his hand out to take the damned present that Allen wanted wrapped.

The two of them were in Kanda's room, hidden away from other people who would watch them interact. Kanda's table was covered in paper and boxes from others who had heaped them on him for the price of leaving him the fuck alone for an extended period of time after he obliged their requests. This was something he wasn't unused to. He'd been roped into this mess more than once, though it had been a while. Allen was supposed to help him and that was the deal for Allen aggravating him for the afternoon. He saw how successful that was.

The fact that they had actually completed any shopping after the train wreck in the first shop was nothing short of a miracle. But Allen had picked out something for nearly everyone and had them all set away in differently sized boxes. Kanda…had done nothing after…he'd given up and just followed Allen while he did his mindless gift giving. Kanda would just figure out something later and deal with it when he wasn't so bitter about it. Christmas was dumb.

"Kanda, you're really good at this. You do your Asian blood proud."

The itch to turn the table over him wasn't suppressed like he thought it has been and he stared at the table that had been careened back—sending boxes sliding off them. He didn't realize he'd actually flipped the table or that Asian stereotyping had even been a switch with him. He knew Allen was joking, but Kanda was just the sort to throw things over jokes. Tables included.

"I think I just heard something break," Allen grumbled under the weight of the table bearing down on his chest.

"…You better be fucking kidding me."

Allen pushed the heavy table off his body so that he wouldn't die of having his sternum crushed. He rolled a bit and eyed the boxes that were strewn about. "You did just throw all the presents off the table."

"You deserved that you little tea-fucking assbrat."

"…Did you just call me a—."

"Yes, yes I did."

_Creative, if nothing else_, Allen had to admit. It was still amusing how much vulgarity could come out of that pretty, refined face. Not to mention, how that side of Kanda was hiding behind a normal mask of indifference. Regardless, Kanda was still about as bright as a moonless night if he thought that wouldn't result in something broken. "I think you were just too stupid to think about what could happen if you flipped a table."

"When you go making remarks like that, you don't really expect to get away without a mark, do you? Because if you think that, then you're dumber than you look." The elder man finally stood to inspect the damage he'd done with turning over his own table. Fortunately, most of the presents were either wrapped safely, or were still sitting on the floor by his feet. He just had to find the one that he'd apparently broke and see if he could mend it.

"Hey, Kanda, your creepy, empty hourglass is has a crack."

That creepy 'empty' hourglass had been the only thing that set on the table before this gift wrapping fiasco and Allen never understood what it was about. Kanda would never explain, but apparently Kanda saw something in it that Allen didn't. Seeing the crack down the side and water leaking out of it, he felt a little…remorseful? It was the only possession in Kanda's room and it was broken now.

"Don't worry about it; it's not of real value."

Of course, Kanda would shoot it down as nothing. Kanda would pretend nothing mattered to him at all if he thought it would get people off his trail. Well, Allen wasn't that easily swayed, but he was smart enough to drop the subject for the moment—while they worked on picking up the mess and getting back on task.

"Where can I put this? It's leaking everywhere," Allen had no choice but to go back to it, though. Because water was leaking all over the paper and he had to stop from flooding the floor.

"Just dump the water out of the window."

"Out of the window? But what if someone's standing on the ground? Your room is over the garden." The idea of dropping water on someone from a lot of stories up sounded hilarious in his head though.

"Just do it anyway. What's the worst that'll happen? It lands on Cross and he burns like an unholy creature complete with hissing noises?"

Suddenly, Allen was making very strong comparisons between Cross and Kanda in their personality and likeliness to burn in hell together. Cross had a lot of sinful activity under his belt to secure him a front row seat, but Kanda was all but a creation of hell itself. It made him wonder who had a higher rank in burning for all eternity. They both were walking testaments of godless heathens. Perhaps Cross was a little more obvious about it; but Kanda went big when he decided to do things.

Then again, with as much sin as Kanda radiated, Allen was probably going to hell by association. It was funny, because Allen was probably the least unholy person out of the three of them and he had the Akuma curse slapped across his face.

Apologizing in advance, and silently to himself, he poured the water out of the glass and out the window. It still confused him why Kanda kept an empty hourglass, but he knew Kanda was a little off his rocker in some places. There was no other way to explain it. "There, what do I do with it now?"

"Just set it on the floor somewhere and help me pick this shit up."

"Fine, fine, no need to be such a bit—aah!" A yelp was sucked out of his lungs by the marble floor he collided with, sliding in the water that hadn't been wiped up. It took a moment to realize he'd landed in a heap on the floor and another moment to realize he'd pulled Kanda down and the table in consequence with him. This thing of grabbing the nearest thing was beginning to be a hazard for both of them. That was just another reason why the two of them were dangerous together.

"Augh, goddamnit, beansprout," Kanda groaned, after smacking his elbow into the table that was turned back on its side. "It's it enough you had me picking glass out of my ass, you have to be breaking it too?"

"Kanda, if you want to see me break your ass, then drop your pants."

It didn't take a genius to see what Kanda's immediate reaction would be, but Allen had to make the comment anyway. That one was just set up for him to make it and who was he to deny a perfect opening? Even so, he groaned at the box that flew into his face and nearly bruised his poor eyeball. Luckily that eye had been stabbed enough times that it didn't affect him anymore.

"Serves you right, you little cretin." Slipping around in the puddle on his floor, Kanda finally managed to get himself righted and proceeded to strip his jacket off—dropping it in the puddle and nudging it around with his foot so it sucked up the water.

"You love the Black Order so much that you use your jacket as a towel, hmm?" Allen snorted and crawled out of the puddle himself. That Hourglass must have originally been full for there to be that much water everywhere. Again, Allen felt a little bad about it. If he hadn't been making borderline racist remarks, perhaps Kanda wouldn't have…No. It was only a matter of time until Kanda lost his cool and flipped something on him. That was destiny. That table was fated to be flipped on him.

"I'm about to use you as a mop, if you don't start picking up the wrapping paper. We're going to have a giant fucking color mess. The paper bleeds dye, you know. And if I end up with my floor looking like someone's drugged out hallucination, I'm going to be mad."

"But you're already mad," Allen pointed and kneeled to wad up the paper into a neat pile so he could deposit it in a corner—at least until it was dry. Given that, Allen shrugged his coat off and kicked out of his pants—still wearing shorts underneath so as not to offend his princess with his improper dress. "If you get any madder, you might accidentally divide by zero and collapse the universe, so please don't. I hear collapsed universes are hard to fix. Like an indoor plumbing problem…only a lot more time consuming. Haha, get it time _consuming._"

Kanda stared at him, as if staring into his soul and trying to will away his bad humor. "Is that you British humor shining?"

"…Touché."

A breeze through the room made both of them boy shudder and Kanda glanced over to Allen and silently commanded he shut his damned window. The snow hadn't just been an image. It was freezing outside and—while his room wasn't warm exactly—it was warmer than that. Not to mention, now they were both wet from the hourglass leak. "Next time you're going to make me flip a table, can you warn me so I can make sure I don't break shit."

"You say this like it's my fault."

"Probably because it is," the answer came back as simple as could be and Kanda left to room for denial. Stripping his wet shirt off, he shivered just a bit. Between the two of them there was probably one pair of clothing. The rest had already been stripped from the brilliant idea of floundering all over the wet floor like morons.

Then there was Timcanpy; the little asshat who was now thumping his body against the window because he was accidentally left on the outside. Served the damned thing right. It wasn't like it could feel the cold, so what did Kanda care? If he didn't want to be left outside, he shouldn't have flown off and gotten himself locked out. Allen, on the other hand, wasn't so uncaring, and just had to let the window back open for Tim.

Just the time it took for the wind to change direction and blast a sheet of snow into his room before they managed to finagle the window shut again. Kanda wanted to strangle Allen and throw him out the window himself. Now his room was doomed to be cold and wet and to top it off, all the presents that he had managed to wrap, were coated in a light layer of snow or water. He threw his shirt over a few boxes and gave up. He could redo it later. This was dumb anyway and he'd already said he was done with this holiday on day one. Why did they think he suddenly changed his mind about it?

Looking around his room again, he grumbled and considered throwing Allen out and shoving the brat back in his room—following him just for the sake of a dry room. However, Kanda's room was dry for about a third of it and thankfully that included his bed.

"Strip," he commanded, filling the room with his voice and making Allen nearly slip on the wet floor again.

"…C…come again?" Kanda's face nearly made Allen want to hide. That smirk was the reason he assumed Kanda would be burning in hell for all eternity.

"It's too early to be saying those kinds of things. Now, I said strip. Clothes off, Beansprout."

Allen's face light up brighter than the Christmas tree they'd managed to botch. It wasn't like this forwardness was a new concept, but it really came out of nowhere this time and Allen wasn't really prepared to be placed in the situation where he was going to be naked without warning. He wasn't self conscious, but this was a thing he was usually more…prepared for?

He didn't even know.

Yet, he still found himself listening to Kanda's commands and his shirt hit the floor before he realized he had taken it off. With that, he looked at the shirt like it was a surprise to see it there. Well, it kind of was a surprise, but it shouldn't have made him look that confused.

"If I knew you'd obey that easily, I'd have tried this sooner."

That stupid smirk.

"Now get in the bed, it's fucking cold in here and I'm taking your body heat one way or _another_." That was the innocent explanation, but Allen wasn't that stupid. The room was about to get a lot hotter and he nearly swallowed his tongue.

Kanda's bed was a lot warmer than everything else in the room and Allen snuggled up under the blanket, still swallowing hard. He watched Kanda strip down the same way, tossing his own clothes into what they would refer to as the "mess pile". Then that stupid bastard sauntered over him like the evil teasing hell spawn Allen knew him to be.

The warm body slid under the covers with him, flush over him, and Allen nearly mewled like a kitten—making him bite his tongue to stop that nonsense before Kanda gave him crap for it.

"K…Kanda," Allen squeaked. "Are you happy to see me or is that…"

"It's what you think it is."

Allen did everything he could to not swallow his tongue.

**To Be Continued…**

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A/N: I've given up on reading these over. Sorry. I hope I haven't botched anything too hard.


	7. The Carols of Hell

**Day Seven**  
_The Carols of Hell_

"I'm not doing this."

"You said that about baking and look what happened?"

"Yes, I ended up getting scolded because I cooked it too well."

A sigh followed and white hair flicked about as the young man shook his head. Kanda was being difficult once more, but he supposed he could actually understand this time. This was something that was so out of Kanda's range that it was probably considered cruel and unusual punishment to make him do this. It had taken them at least thirty minutes just to get him out of his room once they'd announced what this adventure would entail. It took another thirty minutes to get him to stop attempting to strangle Lavi.

"If by cooked, you mean set Komui's throat on fire." Lavi snorted and kept his distance from the irritable man. Of course, Lavi was just there for the show at this point. Lenalee had been the one insisting that it would be a good idea and Allen seemed to be all for it. Lavi wasn't into the caroling thing, but if this meant seeing Kanda Yuu singing peppy Christmas songs to random groups of people in the Order, he was so down with it.

"Shut up, Rabbit. It came out perfect, it's not my fault you fools don't have good taste."

"Says the one who eats nothing but Soba," Allen glanced away to avoid the burning gaze of Kanda's evil eye. He was right, though. Kanda didn't have a large variety of diet, so he really had no ground to stand on for taste related things. Not to mention, Fruitcake was not intended to taste like it was on fire. That was way too spicy for even Allen.

"Just stop it, you two," Lenalee interjected before Kanda could make Allen the next victim of choking. "I want this to be fun and it will be or so help me." Her smile made Kanda turn away—discreetly protecting his torso from experiencing her boot again. She knew he could bounce back from it, so he was susceptible to her abuse. "Now, you have to wear this, Kanda."

Dark eyes turned as Lenalee held something out for him. The cold gaze could have frosted a cake and froze a lake in the same instance. His fingers twitched and he outright denied her with his hand up. "Not with a ten foot pole."

"Kanda! Don't make me force you!" Her threat was sincere, but Kanda was that averted and had a high tolerance for pain anyway…

"Just fuckin nail me in the nuts already, I'll get back up eventually."

"Kanda!" Lenalee really didn't want to do that to him and she could see both Lavi and Allen cringing at the idea of her actually sending her boot into places that could actually bring Kanda to his knees—though it was tempting just to see Kanda at her feet. "I don't want to actually hurt you, you know. But if you don't cooperate, I'm going to make sure you absolutely regret it. It's not like I'm asking you to do this every day for the rest of the year. I just want one good hour out of you. You need some holiday cheer in your life."

"I need holiday cheer equally as much as I need your foot in my testicles, thank you."

"You're about to get both, if you don't work with me," Lenalee huffed, getting close in his face—standing on her toes and uncomfortably close to him considering what she'd just loosely threatened. "I've got my knee really strategically placed right now."

"Yes…Yes, I know. I can feel your leg on my thigh and you need stop getting so frisky with me or Komui is going to end up sending me to Antarctica with Beansprout as punishment."

"Hey, don't involve me in this," Allen's voice trailed in and he was quickly cut out with two heavy stares. "Just saying…I already agreed…"

"And Kanda should agree too, it's not like it'll kill you!" Her eyes had the intense fire of determination and it made Kanda really want to back away. It was a rare occurrence that he won against her when she really wanted something.

He breathed in through his nose and tried to keep his wavering stubbornness strong. "Are you going to just knee me already and get it over with, or do we get to stand here uncomfortably with your leg in my business?"

"Okay, if you want to play this game…" Her hands folded in front of her face and she had to concentrate for a moment on how to go about this really low tactic. It was something that needed to be worded very delicately and very discreetly if it was going to gain the reaction she needed. There wasn't a thing in the world she couldn't convince Kanda to do if she really wanted it. With conviction she needed to blackmail him into going along with this, she pulled him closer to her—hugging him as a cover for the words she whispered in his ear. "I know what you and Allen do when you sneak off alone."

No one else heard it, but Kanda heard it like she'd screamed it in his ear and he nearly jumped back away from her. "That…that's blackmail…"

"At it's finest~. Now wear the hat!"

Much to the surprise of the other two, he grumbled and backed away from her—snatching the purple Christmas cap that she had been so insistent on him wearing as they were to go around caroling at people. This was possibly the second worst day of his life. It would have been number one if he'd had to wear the ugly red one the others had. He supposed that even Lenalee knew he would look like a total moron in a red hat. He felt stupid in anything really, but he'd already been threatened with her apparent knowledge of his personal life.

That…he wasn't sure how to feel about that, actually. That she knew something that personal was not only confusing but it was worrisome. If she knew, did others? Some how he didn't think others were as observant, but he really didn't think they were being obvious in any capacity. Allen and Kanda had been notorious for abusing each other and that really hadn't changed any.

"Oh and you should wear this too!"

The sound of her voice and those words made him growl before he even looked up to see the matching jacket that went with it. With fluffy trim and matching gloves, it was apparent that she was attempting to dress him up as some kind of fabulous and not entirely heterosexual version of Santa. "Oh for fuck's sake, are you serious?"

The evil smile and her apparent innocence as she held it out was what made him snatch the damned thing and despairingly put it on. He felt stupid as he possibly could, but he was at the mercy of her knowledge.

"There, now that we have our mascot, we're ready!"

"Who the fuck said I'm the mascot?"

Lavi was the one who answered this time, while Lenalee had wandered off to fiddle with Timcanpy, who Kanda wanted to crush in his hand once he realized that the annoying little creature was wearing a purple sweater that matched him. He was being mocked. "Well, Yuu, we figured we're not likely to get you to actually sing properly, so you have to carry your weight on the team, y'know." Though Lavi really hoped he'd sing, just for his amusement if nothing else.

"This is absolute bullshit, I hope you are all fuckin aware."

"We are, Kanda," Allen smiled, hiding chuckles that he really couldn't conceal. Kanda wanted to shake him like a ragdoll, but he refrained as a precaution against Lenalee's threat. "Just go with it. It's not gonna be that bad."

"Says the dumbass who already looks stupid."

"That hat looks marvelous, Kanda," Allen's smile only spread and he clapped his hands together to draw attention to it.

"Go die. Please."

Allen only laughed and that was about the time Kanda entered into the disgruntled—arms crossed—position. He was at the point where existing was becoming a pain and his inability to die immediately was starting to look like worse and worse of a curse. Then there was the fact that he had to actually live through being dragged around looking like he fell out of a silly child storybook.

His silence was really his only way to protest, but he was certain that Lenalee wasn't going to let him keep that up and he was just waiting for them to find some poor victims who would have to listen to them singing terrible holiday songs at them. They shuffled along and he started to see where this was going. Their first stop was going to be in the science department. At least they weren't mad enough to go into town and do this. Still, he thought this was unbelievably ridiculous and unfitting for their jobs.

Kanda liked to think he was all business when it concerned other people. Otherwise he was locked away in place few people could find him or few people wanted to find him. He was professional until he was badgered enough, apparently. Also, any thing involving Allen Walker suddenly became personal as opposed to professional—but he was sticking to that being entirely not his fault.

That was going to be Allen's fault.

"So, Kanda," speak of the heinous little asshat, "do you actually know any carols?"

What possessed Allen to think Kanda wanted to discuss pointless things while they slowly walked into round one of this nightmare would baffle him for the rest of his life. Regardless, there it was: a conversation in the midst of his strong desire to not have to make a noise for the rest of this event. He was hoping this would be quick enough that he could pretend it hadn't even happened. "I know enough."

"…Then you don't really know any?"

"I can make them up as I go. Who cares, as long as they sound close to the song," he shrugged and maintained a strong aura of displeasure.

"I don't think that's how it works, Yuu," Lavi snorted from just out of Kanda's reach. He wasn't dumb, not this time. "If you're singing the song wrong, then it throws everyone else off."

"Then why don't you fuckers sing it and let me go do something infinitely more productive. Like kill myself with a potato peeler."

An eyebrow raised, "a potato peeler?"

"Yes. That's how much I think of this. I'd succumb to a weapon of that low grade."

"Since when is a potato peeler even a weapon?"

"Would you like me to demonstrate why it's a weapon?"

Lavi's red hair flopped about his in his insistent disapproving headshake. Kanda would easily turn anything with a sharp edge into something deadly and no one really doubted it. Even so, it was strange to ear such outrageous things coming from that usually frigid man. _Whatever Lenalee whispered to him must have really riled him up_, Lavi thought. He wondered, but he wasn't even going to put himself in the position to ask and end up with Kanda throwing him across the room—if he was even that merciful. "Go easy on the death threats, Yuu. You might actually make people think you don't like me."

"Stop calling me that, or I will end your life."

"Okay, boys!" Lenalee interjected as she came running back to them once she'd found people willing to listen to them. The boys had subjected themselves to linger about while Lena found poor suckers to torture. That was fine with the rest of them. Lavi and Allen were doing it on account of being bored and Kanda was there as punishment for being a natural target of every humiliating plot device a woman could put in his life. Kanda was starting to feel like an abuse victim in a novel. "The guys in the third section of the science department said they don't mind if we come spread some cheer!"

"What is cheer and how to I vaccinate myself from it."

"Kanda!"

"Tch." His head turned and he resumed his discontented position. His happiness was clearly not part of the equation and Lenalee had to shove him to get him to walk with them to the place where they would demonstrate why you never bring Kanda along for things like this. It was her fault for thinking this was a good idea.

And Allen's fault for simply being there. Everything was always Allen's fault as far as he was concerned. Just because the little brat's face was always so open and cheerful that he wanted to smack it until it made him feel better. Though, he didn't think he would like Allen's face as dispassionate as his own. It would look awkward and unfitting. This, he supposed, left him with the disposition of having to spend the rest of eternity smacking Allen around because of his face.

He could think of worse things to do with his time. He was in the process of doing one of those things, actually.

"Okay, are you guys ready?"

They said yes, Kanda said nothing. This wasn't worth his breath, but if they really wanted his voice, they would soon see that they probably didn't after all.

"Jingle bells~!" Three of the four chanted with some enthusiasm that Kanda didn't think he'd ever be able to comprehend, let alone show."

"Kanda, sing!" Lenalee hissed at him, before they continued. "Jingle bells~!"

"Jingle bells, go to hell, kiss my fuckin' asssssss."

"Kanda!" Allen snapped at him, nearly smacking his palm against his face from how uncouth the man could be. Perhaps that wasn't the best song of them all, but he thought it was an easy one that even Kanda could have gotten. It appeared to be a case of Kanda not _wanting_ to get it. "That, I assure you, is not how the song goes!"

"Excuse you, that sounded just like the song."

"No it didn't!"

"Siiiiilent night…" Kanda started, low and quiet and aimed right at Allen. For a split second, Allen thought he was being legitimate about it, but he should have known better. "Hooooly shit, get ooooout of my face, you stuuuupid git."

"Did you just call me a git?"

"No."

"Kanda…please, can't you just be nice? You're usually not this…" The words died on Allen's tongue, but they were there. He just couldn't think of exactly what he wanted to say to the level of difficult that Kanda was being. Behind Kanda, Allen could see Lenalee apologizing to a few people who had actually listened—though, they seemed to be laughing, so perhaps it wasn't all a bust.

"Agreeable."

"Agreeable is the last word you're being right now." Kanda's tongue clicked against his teeth and he made a face along with a motion of his hand that was a light flick to Allen's face. With the fluffy white sleeve and purple garb, he looked nothing less than sassy to Allen, even as he became the victim there.

"I am being more agreeable than you can imagine."

"No, you're the embodiment of another word right now. It starts with B and I'm **_itch_**ing to call you it right now."

"Awaaaay in a manger, no patience for this shiiit," Kanda nearly whistled the words at him, keeping himself in the flow of the song, but ruining it with lyrics. "Your faaaace is annoying, so go suck a diiiick."

"Kanda!" Lenalee that time.

"Joooy to the world, this song sucks diiiick, hoooow do people siiiing this shiiiiit."

"…Yuu!" Oh, now even Lavi was covering his face in remorse of this decision to let Kanda free on Christmas carols.

Kanda himself would be embarrassed looking on it later; but for the moment, the excellence of his dry singing voice was being used for the greater good of making them regret the day they ever decided to include him in dumb wholesome activities. He wanted to go about his business of meditation, training, a bath and meal, then sleep. This was not part of his daily regiment and being around these three people wasn't either. It was a miracle they even got as much out of him as they did. In fact, the only reason he was even succumbing to this activity was because he was pretty certain that eggnog he'd had before had a splash of alcohol in it. Otherwise, he knew he'd have been as tightlipped as ever. Not that he was about to admit he'd even gotten into the eggnog. There was a long history of why Kanda wasn't even allowed to have it anymore, but he actually liked the damned stuff.

And try as they might, they really didn't have the man power to keep him from it.

"On the first say of Chriiiistmas…"

"No. Stop," Allen whined lowly and pulled at the man's sleeve.

"My true love gaaave to meeee..."

"He didn't give you anything, now shut up."

Kanda was actually starting to get amused by how Allen was acting. They were so pleased with giving him a hard time before, now that he was actually participating in the spread of the holiday _cheer_, he was being asked to stop. How rude. "A migraaaaine and a fuuucked up Christmas treeee."

Silver eyes closed and Allen wanted to curl in a ball, because now Kanda was making fun of Allen because of the tree. That much was obvious in the way he was looking at him when he stressed the word tree. Lenalee was so wrong…for once, Kanda was pretty much right. This was a terrible idea. Not to mention, Kanda's singing voice was being intentionally as raspy as he could manage. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't listenable either.

"On the second day of Chriiiiistmas, my true love gave to meeee…wrapping paper nightmare, a migraaaaine and a fucked up Christmas treeee."

"Okay…You win…Don't ever speak again, please," Allen covered his face—and partially to hide the fact that his brain was wrapping around the fact that Kanda was mocking him so bad with a song where the term "true love" was being used. He was trying not to take that too seriously, but he wasn't immune to Kanda and his cruel tactics.

A sigh came from Lenalee and her shoulders slumped, "oh Kanda…"

Lavi, however, had given up trying to take a damn thing seriously and was laughing like a maniac.

**To Be Continued…**

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_A/N: I admit, I think I loved this chapter a little too much. Thanks for reading guys!_


	8. The Imperfect Picture

**Day Eight  
**_The Imperfect Picture_

"I didn't agree to this."

"Generally speaking, you don't agree with much of anything."

An aggravated sigh served as the entirety of the response. Kanda Yuu had long since learned that arguing did nothing but give him flash headaches. With his luck, his body made quick work out of conditions like those, but that didn't stop it from being an annoyance when it was coming at him like ocean waves—back and forth and making him want to slam his head against the nearest hard surface. Normally, these things were easy to deal with, because he could just walk away.

The holidays were like a special kind of inescapable disease, really. It was the one thing he really couldn't get out of and it was usually because of Lenalee and her boots. Her super powered boots had broken a few of his ribs in their time and usually she smiled in the aftermath of bringing him in with blood pouring out of his mouth and a caved in ribcage. She was really lucky that he was tolerant of this sort of underhanded abuse.

Really.

That and Komui would have his head on a silver platter if he even so much as touched her in a way that wasn't one hundred percent devoid of ill intent. He was still waiting for Komui to come at him with a machete for that girl nearly putting her knee up in his personal space. It would just be his luck to be the one blame for that.

"All you really have to do is sit there and look pretty. Kanda this is one thing that I promise you, you can do without flaw! This task is practically designed for you. I mean, unless you can find a prettier person in this place."

"Beansprout, you are seriously asking for me to kill you, aren't you?"

"No, I'm serious. You have a perfect face for this, just…sit put and let them snap one photo and it'll be done in a flash."

For some strange reason, they really thought they could get Allen to convince Kanda into making this an easy venture, but Allen was easily seeing the futility in this adventure. Kanda was not the sort to ever go down without a fight and this was a fight over something that would have long lasting evidence. A photo wasn't something that he could just erase. Kanda knew how the science department was—hiding negatives and copies in places he'd never get to.

All of the factors around it were the reason Allen was all but on his knees—pleading with Kanda to just run with it and give him a break. It was either Allen made him go with it, or Lenalee would just come back and put her foot through his head. As much as he liked seeing Lenalee put Kanda in his place, he really didn't want her to wreck the man's face. It was one of Kanda's best features, since his personality was about as blank as a glass of water.

"I'm not going to agree to this. Not now. Not ever. Why can't someone else look like an idiot? I already had to wear these dumb things around the complex because of that blackmailing bitc—woman who can't stay out of my business," he coughed the incriminating slandering out of his comment. This must have been his punishment for ruining their caroling experience, but it was really pushing it. He looked like some kind of poster-child, teen hipster version of Santa—probably the kind that would get him arrested for public display of fashion nightmare. And they even wanted him to hold a bag of shit. No. That was beyond what was acceptable in the world of Kanda. He already felt sixty percent less heterosexual than before and he didn't even think he had that much percentage leaning on that side anymore.

"Kanda, what do I have to do to make you just do this? They're under the impression I have the ability to make you listen."

"If I agree to any terms you give, then they'll start using you at every turn and I refuse to become that person who is swayed by a damned beansprout. They can all go suck dicks for all I care," Kanda sneered and crossed his arms in front of him—turning his head and almost looking like he was putting his nose up at the idea entirely. It actually didn't help him look any less attractive in that getup. Allen was in complete understanding why they wanted Kanda for the main holiday photo. Tim, in his matching sweater, had been the other photo model.

The rest of them were due to get their pictures done as well. It was just a process of waiting for Kanda to stop being such a pain in the ass and accept that he was doomed to be the model of any photo that required a pretty, young and versatile face. If Kanda wanted to, he could be just androgynous to confuse people into choosing whatever gender they wanted to see in Kanda. Though, he was pretty certain that Kanda was half against this because of that possible reason.

It was Kanda's fault. Even Allen confused him for being a girl when he first met him. Of course, that was until Kanda opened his mouth and a deep masculine voice fell out and confused Allen deeply.

"Just this once, Kanda. Really. Just the once, I will do anything you want, if you just say yes and relieve me of the duty of having to deal with you and your attitude."

"No." Kanda answered it swiftly and nearly dismissively waved the boy off. "I can easily punch you out of the food court and then they wouldn't have any reason to insist on you harassing me. If they wanted to threaten me, I really think a certain girl's boots are more intimidating than you." He mused dryly. He had taken up refuge in the cafeteria, where the photo couldn't be taken because of the lighting. Allen was the only sucker brave enough and resilient enough to enter Kanda's defensive shield. In essence, Allen was the meat shield. But if it really came down to it, he knew they would bring out the big guns. That weapon was only used when Komui's presence was scarce. It was unfortunate that Komui was actually participating in this ridiculousness.

So Lenalee couldn't be used so flippantly for her amazing power to bring men unremorsefully to her feet. In some fashion, she must have known that it would ultimately result in her having to fight off Komui's intense sister complex and no one wanted that—especially not her.

"A certain girl's boots aren't here right now," Allen reminded him and crossed his legs in his seat, balancing carefully in the center of the chair. He was sitting remarkable close to Kanda, considering that Kanda usually punted him for being within his personal bubble—which Allen determined was approximately twelve feet. "It's one photo. One. Just one. Why is it so hard?"

"Why is it so hard for you to get the hell out of my face? All you have to do is turn around, hang your head defeated and slink back to the other worms. I have to sacrifice my dignity to pose for a ridiculous photo that doesn't even need to exist."

"It doesn't need to exist, but there's no reason why it shouldn't…"

"Do you see what I'm wearing, beansprout?" Kanda's expression was dull and not amused. Personally, Allen thought the purple looked great on him and he was a version of Santa that he wouldn't mind seeing come through his chimney if he had one.

"Yes. I do and I still don't see what the big deal is."

"Then you are blind," Kanda made a soft 'tch' sound and turned his head, swatting Timcanpy away from him again. Both of them were annoying and Kanda wanted to pretend this wasn't actually a discussion that was being had. "My answer is no and that's final."

Allen's shoulders slumped at this and his expression fell. He knew it wouldn't work on Kanda to look disappointed and swaying him was like telling a tree to sit down. This man was firm in his decision, but Allen was pretty firm in his own and if Kanda had to be a giant pain about it, then Allen would return that tenfold. Discreetly, he changed his position and watched the annoyed man carefully, keeping his eyes on any moment where Kanda would have his guard down long enough. Unfortunately, Kanda was prepared for most things and Allen didn't really have all day. With that, he decided that the hard way was how it was to be done.

"What are you looking at?"

"I'm giving you one chance to change your mind."

Dark eyes furrowed and Kanda nearly laughed at him directly for such a weak threat—if he could even call it that. Was this brat actually telling him he was going to cooperate whether or not he wanted to? Because that was a funny concept to him. If Allen really wanted to fight over it, there was no doubt that he would get a fight and Kanda wasn't going to hold punches just because he slept with the little hellspawn. "You can go suck a dick, that's my final answer."

"Remember, I gave you a chance." Allen stood, slumping his shoulders and exhaling. He knew it would come to this, but he had already made the half-baked threat and Kanda was going to be dragged back if he had to drag him back kicking and screaming. With a swift motion, Allen moved in front of Kanda—looking down at him until he was almost looming over the man. Kanda's expression was one of interest more than concern, but once Allen activated Crowned Clown, those dark eyes widened and the man realized he was serious.

Kanda scrambled back, kicking his feet up on the chair to get himself over the obstacle of the table. Before Allen could actually bind him with the long bands, Kanda had already slid over the top of the table—knocking things out of the way in order to put distance between them. The target scrambled and rolled off the table, taking another one in a leap that impressed everyone else but Allen.

The white cloaked figure was on Kanda with determination and it would have been funny if it wasn't such an urgent thing, apparently. Kanda was insistent on this not happening and his feet carried him out of Allen's reach quicker than the white haired boy thought he could. Of course, Kanda wasn't just pretty. He was strong, fast and unrelenting. This was great most of the time…just not this time—where Allen's shorter legs left him a little behind the speed demon that was Kanda Yuu.

However, even if Kanda's gait was longer and quicker, Allen had the advantage of reach and the fact that even Kanda couldn't turn a corner fast enough to escape the binds that Allen shot out at him once they'd gone barreling out of the cafeteria and most of the way down the hall. Leave it to Kanda to be such a difficult creature, because even once Allen had captured him to some degree, the man was fighting to the point of dragging Allen across the floor. It was a tug of war that was leaning in Kanda's favor in terms of strength, but Kanda never was the tactical genius and when Allen suddenly let go of his hold, Kanda scrambled forward—sprawling into an unavoidable heap on the floor. There was just no way to stop it and it had lost him the valuable time he would have needed to escape and hide.

"Gotcha, Kanda," Allen huffed, annoyed just slightly by the amount of effort he had to exert just reeling Kanda in. Once he leapt forward and got within reaching distance, he made every effort to pin Kanda down—strapping him up as many times as his Crowned Clown would allow so that he couldn't just wiggle away. To make matters even further embarrassing for his Asian-faced companion, he unapologetically threw the man over his shoulder, using his clawed hand to cradle Kanda's body in a way that wouldn't give him opportunity to truly thrash if he didn't want to have knife-life claws imbedded in him.

Was it a cruel tactic? Probably. However, as far as he knew, Kanda wasn't claustrophobic and banding him up like that was more effective than harmful. If Allen thought he would protest too hard, then he'd just squeeze the man until he went still.

Allen was fairly certain that Kanda could handle being strangled a time or two.

"Beansprout…" A warning tone snaked into Allen's ear, but it was effortlessly ignored. This didn't please Kanda and he hissed harshly—his legs attempting to kick, but failing to really accomplish much. "Beansprout! Damn it, you listen to me!"

"I can't hear you, Kanda. You seem to be tied up with something at the moment."

"Beansprout!" The voice got deeper and harsher with each word and it was both frustrating and fruitless. Allen wasn't budging, but Kanda wasn't the type to just lay there and allow it to happen. "I will fucking bite you if you don't release me, right fucking now!"

"Then bite me, Kanda. It wouldn't be the first time!" Allen's words slipped before he realized and he looked around in a slight panic, only calming once he realized the hall was empty and people were busy with the photo shoots anyway. "By now I should be used to your teeth prints in my skin."

"I'm about to put a full set in your fuckin ass if you don't let go. I fucking promise."

"You can't even reach back there, Kanda. So be quiet and hold still so I can deliver you to your destiny."

Those weren't the words that Kanda was interested in and without fear for his own safety, Kanda bent his legs up to tip the center of balance between them so that Allen's grip would falter and cause him to lean backwards. It was predictable that the boy's hold would weaken, because one hand of his was essentially a large claw. While Allen didn't mind making Kanda bleed when he deserved it, he didn't want to actually impale his partner five different ways. The biggest problem between them knowing each other well enough was that there were loopholes in every action they could make against each other.

"W…wha…! Kanda s…stop!" The teen's soft voice stammered and he stopped walking in order to hold his ground. It was getting progressively harder with Kanda's untamable squirming. It was just like him to resist to the bitter end, but Allen's integrity was at stake. He'd stupidly promised Lenalee that he could deliver Kanda without her having to imbed her foot into his body in any capacity and he was going to hold to that with diligence. They seemed to think he had the power to and he seemed to think it was wise to run with it. It was really his own fault he was then struggling with a very uncooperative man.

Kanda's hair fell over Allen's shoulder and covered Kanda's face in such a way that it was nearly blacking his vision. The blood was starting to rush to his face from being nearly upside down. The only saving grace for him not crashing to the ground face first was the single fact that Allen's bands had a hold on him was so strong that he was nearly laying his body against Allen's back with his legs bent but up in the air. "I will take us both down, if it must come to this!"

"I… will not…. lose to you…Kanda…" Allen grit and leaned forward until gravity shifted and Kanda's edge was lost. It was probably the most ridiculous thing anyone would ever see. Allen was nearly bent all the way forward, with Kanda lying against him, trying his damndest to stagger him. It didn't really help that Kanda was dressed in the fluffy coat still. In fact, Allen was ready to laugh at the concept until he felt teeth in his side. "**Yow**!** Kanda**!"

"I said I would bite you! And if you don't release me, I will actually kill you." That promise of death fell about as flat as Kanda's personality and Allen even shook his head to express how little he felt intimidated by it. The captive couldn't see that particular head action, but he heard the chuckle that went with it and that didn't settle well with his pride. "God help you, beansprout. God help you when I'm free."

"You'll cool down eventually," Allen sucked in a breath and tried not to sound like he was struggling as much as he was. Kanda wasn't heavy by comparison to others his size, but he was when Allen was nearly folded in half and balancing him like some ridiculously rigged scale.

"I am done with you. This photo bullshit. This holiday. I'm done with life. I'm going to kill you and commit suicide until it's final and then I'll never have to deal with this again."

"Yeesh, Kanda, are you going to be more of a girl about this or are you going to stop? Because I have no problem with leaving you tied up somewhere."

"I'll quit fucking complaining when I'm ready and when you're done crushing my spine. I need that, you know."

"Your spine is fine. You probably don't need it. You're just being stingy now. But if you need it that bad, I'll be happy to give it back to you." Allen kicked the door he'd finally come upon and let it swing open. Just inside was the target location and Allen had reached it with maximum effort exuded.

Lenalee took notice of Allen's haul first and she turned to face them, face full of confusion and concern—more of concern for the suffering the younger male was apparently facing. "Allen?"

"I brought the loot, now reap the benefits before it bites back," Allen turned around and released his hold on Kanda and without even hesitating after, he booked it—darting out through the door and slamming it shut. The binds that had been holding Kanda had been redirected to the knobs of the door and he effectively sealed Kanda in with those poor people who were determined to deal with Kanda's attitude for a lousy photo.

"Nice of you to join us, Kanda," Komui smiled, taking a sip of his coffee and walking over to the man sprawled on the floor. "I'm glad you've had a change of mind."

"I didn't, I'm not doing this."

"I think you will," Komui's expression remained the same, but there was a clip to his voice that suggested dangerous things if he didn't comply. "If you do," he took a sip, "I might consider forgiving your close contact with my dear sweet Lenalee."

"Wha…but…she…" He bit his tongue and tried not to scream at everything in sight. Black mailed again. "I'm going to kill that fucking beansprout," he grumbled and absolutely refused to make any expression that wasn't seething in rage. If they wanted this photo, they were getting nothing but his attitude. End of story.

On the outside of the door, Allen's only hope was that he'd at least get a copy of the photo before he was brutally murdered and thrown in a ditch somewhere.

**To Be Continued…**

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A/N: Because yes, I love Kanda in that Christmas pic Hoshino did.


	9. The Mistletoe Misery

**Day Nine**  
_The Mistletoe Misery_

"Mistletoe is just a plant. A parasitic evergreen to be specific. It sticks to soft bark trees and grows there like any other plant grows elsewhere. It's produced by a seed, so growing them is a process of finding a tree to stick them to, but that hardly makes it a special thing. Given this information, I'm failing to understand why the fuck you're hanging it from a doorway and how this has anything to do with kissing."

"Well, it's nice to see Captain Buzzkill has decided to come to the party," Lavi chuckled and came down from the ladder that had taken him up to the place he had carefully stuck the traditional plant. It was no surprise that Kanda Yuu, the resident plant expert, would find this to be a silly thing. To him, it was hanging a severed plant without any real purpose. After all, there was no way he was adhering to such a ridiculous thing.

To Kanda, this was optional and completely ignorable. The only reason he'd even acknowledged Lavi placing it was largely due to Lenalee essentially slapping him on the wrist for nearly kicking the ladder out from under him. There was no convincing Kanda that it wasn't earned, though. Lavi's dumb idea was placed in the worst location, where there was no other exit from the room and people would need to enter.

The cafeteria wasn't even safe anymore, apparently. Fortunately, Kanda wasn't going to play this silly game like the others he could hear who were laughing and giggling at each other like children. To hell with that. It's not like it could be enforced if he pretended it didn't exist. Not to mention, who was really going to be so adamant on it?

"Looks good up there," Lavi grinned and stepped back. "This'll be fun." Mischievous hands clapped together right around the time that Allen stepped in front of Lavi, confused and probably wondering what was wrong with the redhead this time.

"Lavi?"

"Heya Allen," Lavi's infectious smile seemed to only spread across his face and Kanda wondered if that could be classified as a disease by that point. "Have you ever heard of mistletoe?"

Kanda groaned inward. It appeared that Lavi was actually going to hang around and make a thing of this and Kanda was doomed to watch because of bargaining he'd made with Lenalee. It was promised, back at that embarrassing moment when he'd been damned eternally into taking a photo for the sick bastards' amusements, that if he cooperated long enough for one picture he would be released from multiple takes and poses. Unfortunately, that deal also included that he attend the Christmas Party for at least an hour. He could work with that and he's agreed to it and sworn his word on it.

That didn't stop Lenalee from tagging behind him and making one hundred percent certain that he held his end.

"Yeah, that's that holiday flower that people kiss under right?" Allen answered with that innocent face that suggested he was too thick in the head to realize that Lavi was actually making a hint and not asking a legitimate question.

"Yup, that's right buddy. And you're standing under one right now~!" The taller man pointed upward with one gloved hand and hooked his arm around Allen's shoulders with the free arm, bringing him teasingly close. Allen stared at Lavi, and then looked up and a brief moment of panic flickered on his face. "So give me a big ol' smooch, Beansprout."

Before Allen could even utter the protest against being called a beansprout, Kanda had already reached behind him—snatching the nearest item off the table and hurling it mercilessly in Lavi's direction. There was no way he was about to watch that moron kissing another moron. It was not happening and it certainly wasn't because Allen was his territory. That wasn't how it worked. It was just a matter of not wanting to see those two ever close enough for there to be affection of any sort—fake or not—involved. That would be like watching Marie and his late teammate Daisya kiss. A thought that nearly made him curl his nose in disgust.

"Ow!" The resounding cry of an orange to the face had escape Lavi and Allen had snuck away from him in that time. One green eye focused over to Kanda and Lavi attempted a pout at Kanda—only to have it brushed off like it wasn't a thing he gave a rat's ass about. "No need to be so mean Yuu. If you didn't want me smoochin' yer man, you should have just said so—AH!" Lavi scrambled away from the door and turned to hide behind the safety of the wall next to the open door. "Yuu…It was a joke, come on!"

"Jokes are supposed to be fucking funny, you third rate loser," Kanda hissed like he was spitting poison—still half standing with the next available fruit in his hand to throw if Lavi decided to press his luck.

"I thought it was hilarious. Come on, you're not homophobic are you?"

Kanda wanted to throw the fruit and very badly. The most ironic question asked to the least likely person to have homophobic tendencies. Of course, homophobia wasn't uncommon. The fact that they knew more and came from different walks of life was what really left everyone in the Order more open and respectful toward differences in people. Even if Kanda came off as harsh, he wasn't a person to ask something stupid like that and Lavi knew it. He knew it well. This brought Kanda to being suspicious and his eyes turned on Lenalee—who was a lot more observant than the majority of people around her.

"Kanda, why are you looking at me like that?"

"Did you fucking tell him?" He whispered harshly and out of earshot of everyone else. He was sitting flush next to her—forgoing the seats and sitting on the table with their feet propped up on the chairs.

"No, I promise! I didn't!" She waved her hands defensively in front of her—earning a curious glance from Allen. "I wouldn't do that to you and you know it."

"Is everything okay?"

"Yes. Yes it's fine!"

"It'll be more _fine_, when I pummel a redhead," Kanda grumbled, mood crushed at the thought that Lavi even had a slight chance of catching on. He slid off the table top before Lenalee could protest and Allen didn't even try. The fair haired younger partner wasn't entirely opposed to letting Kanda do what Kanda did best. Lavi had been practically asking for it with antics that involved complete desecration of personal space—and smooching random strangers was personal space desecration at its finest.

Kanda didn't bother to hurry and he sauntered toward Lavi, knowing the poor bastard was too dumb to run before Kanda got there. Perhaps he wasn't dumb as much as really didn't believe that Kanda would break his spine if he was given the chance.

It was also highly possible that Kanda had been blind to Lavi's cunning plot to get the man in the doorway. Lavi had every intention to play up this tradition, but when he was scorned the entire time, it made him want to turn it into something like torture for the one person who wouldn't play nice and have fun with a thing that was just there for holiday cheer. "_Mistletoe_!" Lavi called from just out of the door and waited for Kanda to run into the person he didn't see from where he was coming from.

The look of horror that passed the Asian man's face had been more worth it than he could express and even if Lavi died the horrible death he was expecting, he would be laughing. It helped immensely that the other person standing under the doorway was someone who was more than willing to give Kanda the hardest time possible.

"Oh Yuu. What a pleasant surprise. I see you're out of your hole this year and greeting me like a good son," a pleasant faced elder man seemed to sparkle a pleased aura and that only made Kanda shrink back and all but hiss. The man looked up; taking note of the mistletoe and bringing his gaze back down toward Kanda. "Oh my, what a predicament."

Allen, watching this unfold, almost started crying from how hard he was fighting back the laughter that he wanted to howl. There was Kanda, fearsome and unrelenting, nearly curling into the fetal position from the implication that Tiedoll made when his understanding fell over their positions in the doorway.

"Nope," Kanda blurted and turned on a heel before Tiedoll could snatch him into the hug that was attempted. "Nope. Nope. Nope." Without any regard for the others, Kanda returned to the table, effortlessly hopping over the tabletop and finding his seat on the stool—facing away from them purposefully. His arms folded in front of him and he all but sulked.

"Kanda?" Lenalee turned and poked at his ponytail lightly. "Are you okay?"

"He's probably still thinking about making out with General Tiedoll," Allen snickered in place of Kanda's initial response—which earned him another fruit thrown in his direction this time.

"Suck my dick, beansprout. I'm not playing into that stupid shit. You all can have your holiday dumbfuckery in my absence." Clenching his fists, Kanda stood again and made a careful check of the doorway. Tiedoll had already passed, probably musing over the antics of his younger student. It was like Tiedoll to give him a hard time in any way he could and Kanda wouldn't doubt the man likely to actually leave a wet sloppy one on his cheek for the effect. A thought that was just short of traumatizing.

"Kanda…Hey, wait!"

"No, damn it," Kanda seethed and turned to cast the death glare at Allen, "I'm leaving this ridiculousness."

"But—."

"Mistletoe!"

Kanda spun back to the sound of Lavi's voice, feeling the onset of a migraine beginning and he really just wanted to escape as swiftly as possible. It appeared, however, that there was a brick wall of a man in the way and the flash of deep red immediately made him step back.

"You may look like a little girl, but I'm sure as hell not kissing you," the masculine voice made Kanda want to crawl his nails down someone's back just to give them pain equivalent to his annoyance level. "Unless you're a girl after all, in which case, I wouldn't be entirely too surprised."

Cross Marian. This man was nothing short of Kanda's most hated arch nemesis and probably for the dumbest of reasons. This man had been the first to figure out the connection he had with Allen and he was unrelenting in reminding him that he looked like a girl, acted like a girl, probably took it like a girl and whatever else he could think of to turn him into an acceptable wife for Allen. It was essentially Cross being a dick about it and acknowledging it without having the decency to congratulate Allen on getting laid and leave it at that. He _had_ to rub it in mercilessly and, of course, Kanda was the only one who didn't take his shit sitting down.

And it always led to a messy exchange that never failed to humiliate someone—mostly Allen.

"If you're that curious, Cross, then why don't you shove your hand down my pants and figure it out for yourself."

"You're a forward little thing, aren't you? Perhaps you shouldn't be so loose; people might think you're available to be passed around like currency."

"What would you know about currency? I'm under the impression you haven't touched any since you picked up your indentured servant."

Cross simply blew his smoke right at Kanda, who was not budging for anything. The brat would assume any position that impeded Cross as long as Cross made those efforts to give him the shit he always did. It was a complicated combat of egos and Allen was always ready with his palm open and aimed toward his face in exasperation.

"I do know that faces like yours can be bought for a handful of change in some countries. I could probably fetch a lot for you if I sold you off to a brothel somewhere." The thought of Kanda being anywhere near a brothel was both unpleasant and hilarious at the same time to Allen. The Asian man was attractive and there was no denying it, but he would qualify as the worse brothel worker in history and Allen could list the reasons why if that wouldn't incriminate them horribly in front of other people.

"If you're that attracted to my face, Cross, then we have a problem. Because I'm about as interested in you as I am in drinking paint. Actually, I'm willing to bet I'd get more benefits out of paint."

"What a sassy little girl. You don't need to push me away so adamantly, if you wanted a kiss that bad, I could humor you," Cross sneered and leaned a bit closer until Kanda was about to crack and falter. Kanda didn't like to lose, but his skin was crawling mercilessly at the thought of Cross's face coming anywhere near his for any reason that wasn't related to someone getting abused violently.

Kanda took one step back and folded his arms, standing like a defiant child. Now it was apparent that Cross wasn't moving either. He couldn't leave and Cross wasn't entering as long as Kanda's pride demanded he hold his ground. "I would rather kiss…well, anything else. It's hard to come up with one particular something that's significantly better than you when that pretty much accounts for _everything_."

"Your standards are low anyway, girl. No one holds it against you that you can't see quality in front of you. I'm pretty certain that's not your fault. We can blame second-hand blindness."

"Projecting is unhealthy, General."

The two of them stood in silence again, waiting each other out and Allen could see that Kanda would lose this at some point. It was inevitable, because Cross always played dirty or always said just the thing that would throw Kanda off his path and make him flounder. This was why Allen tried to make sure the two of them never crossed paths with each other. Their personalities were too strong and it always left him in the middle of two people who felt the need to challenge the other at every given chance.

Allen couldn't really understand it, but perhaps that was because he was the polite one. Kanda couldn't speak without sounding like he hated the world and Cross was constantly shoving the tough love concept down Allen's throat—and Allen wasn't really sure love was anywhere in the equation. Between the two, it was honestly too much. Not to mention it became really awkward for him for some reason; as if his choice in partner was something that Cross would disapprove of. Cross really didn't care.

Not caring didn't free him of the childish teasing, though.

"Should I stop them?" Allen questioned to Lenalee as he sat up next to her.

"That may not be worth it at this point, you know.

"Ah, probably not."

Lavi, who had stayed right where he was, was frowning a bit. His mistletoe was being sorely misused here and Kanda was making it incredibly difficult to keep it running smoothly when he wouldn't let Cross pass. It wasn't like Kanda to be so openly persistent, but Cross had tendencies to make people change their attitude. "Come on you two, just smooch and move on already," he whined and that promptly earn a heated look from Kanda and a vague dismissal from Cross. Either way, neither of them cared to devote any attention to him and he sighed.

"I'll move when you move out of the way, girl."

"I'll move when you go drop dead somewhere."

"We're going to be here for a long while then, Princess." Dark smoke blew between them and somewhere in the haze, a little fluttery gold thing zipped around and dropped on Cross's shoulder. Cross's eye landed on Timcanpy and he inspected the golem for a moment before his attention drew back to Kanda. "I'd appreciate it if you'd keep your influences out of the golem. One batting the wrong side is enough."

"I didn't dress up your doll to spite you. That would require I waste the time to think about you in any aspect. You can discuss that with your apprentice on his appreciation for ridiculous decoration."

"Mistletoe!"

The redhead's voice broke the conversation and any retort either of them had. Kanda was getting tired of it and quickly. "Idiot, shut u—" Kanda's voice, however, splintered and died somewhere when he realized another body had squeezed through the entrance and was staring both Cross and he down like there was contemplation going on.

"Hm, if these are my choices…" A woman's voice and more specifically, a blond general's. She glanced between them languidly, amusing herself on the way they both stopped at her attention. "I suppose the winner is obvious here," she chuckled and smiled toward Cross before turning in the opposite direction and catching Kanda off guard.

Allen nearly jumped off the table and he repressed the extremely strong desire to snatch him away from the General who had planted a significant amount of lip on _his_ partner. At least Kanda was as petrified as Allen thought he should be, but that didn't stop Allen's expression from souring. He had to tear his gaze away before he made indignant noises to go with it.

Klaud smiled at Cross before she released Kanda and strutted off like she's done something great. Her poor victim didn't know whether to consider it a victory against Cross or a loss against his integrity and he kinda backed away numbly and leaned against the doorframe—letting Cross pass. The redheaded male didn't say a word either, partially crushed by his lovely General companion.

Timcanpy floated off Cross's shoulder and flapped in front of Kanda, pressing his round body against his cheek and giving him one big lick before Kanda managed to snap himself out of the "kissed by a woman" coma and punt the little golden fuckass across the cafeteria. With that done, he resigned himself to return to where he had left from, only to catch the shadow of another—large—figure passing under the same mistletoe. Lavi didn't even have to say it for Kanda to feel a sudden jolt in his body and take off running as far away as he could manage to get without throwing himself off the tower.

Allen finally couldn't take it anymore and rolled over on to the table to laugh uncontrollably at Kanda's misfortune of going down the current full line of Generals under the mistletoe.

**To Be Continued…**

* * *

_A/N: I'm not sorry for a second of this. _


	10. The Perilous Party

**Day Ten**  
_The Perilous Party_

There was one thing that Allen liked about parties—above everything else, of course. That particular thing was food; food and lots of it. Before him was marvelous feast of different things and he was determined to try them all. There wasn't a person alive that could say that Allen Walker couldn't eat his weight in food and then some. Knowing this, the amount of food was many times what they'd said it had been in precious years—on the rare occasions that they had been able to do these things. While Allen collected his plates of food, he was pleasantly chattering away at his companions—a few of whom he hadn't seen in a while. In all this, he still hadn't seen Kanda since the catastrophe under the mistletoe.

He hadn't expected Kanda to take that so seriously, but it _was_ Kanda and he deplored those kinds of things—especially when there was human contact involved and he was the victim. It was a shame, though. Allen had wanted to give Kanda a hard time at the Christmas party, and mostly about the photo and how adorable Allen thought it turned out. His grumbling companion had managed to come off as sassy and almost playful in that photo and Allen had given such a huge smile when he saw the way Kanda had defiantly stuck out his tongue. Now that he had finally gotten the photo, he wanted to be a brat about it.

Kanda ruined that.

Allen tried not to look like he was keeping an eye open for him. Being obvious in wanting the dispassionate asshole around wasn't going to benefit either of them. Fortunately, he had Timcanpy as his wingman—scouting for Kanda while he feasted like a king.

"Are you enjoying the food, Allen?"

He turned his head to see Miranda—with Marie in tow. She was smiling sweetly, growing prettier by the day as she gain more and more confidence. It made him smile brightly back—swallowing his food down so he could talk properly without choking on what he was eating. "Yes! With the exception of the fruit cake, everything came out delicious."

"Haha, didn't you and Mr. Kanda make the fruit cake though?" She questioned with a light laugh. Apparently, that story had not gotten around to all ears and she had been among those unfortunate enough not to know about Kanda's trap-cake.

"Yeah, well….Kanda decided he wanted it to taste like the fires of hell, so watch out for it. I think it's only really out there because there are a select few who are crazy enough to enjoy eating the flames of the sun."

"Oh my…I will keep that in mind. I don't think I would take to spicy things too well and that does sound a bit extreme."

"That's Kanda for you. He goes big or he goes home and he definitely doesn't call this place home." Allen's laugh covered the fact hat he sounded way too familiar with Kanda. He assumed that was common knowledge, but there was also a large chance that Kanda said nothing to everyone else—even if he spoke a considerable amount to Allen himself. Given that they were as _close_ as they were, he'd have to assume that he would know more about him.

"Where is he, by the way?" Marie asked, not facing anything in particular. There was no purpose in being specific, given he was blind anyway.

"I don't know; he stomped off after the mistletoe."

As if by a summoning, a pair of arms suddenly flung around Allen's neck from behind and he could feel the pleasant grin before he even saw it in his peripheral vision. The red splotches by his face confirmed his guess of Lavi's presence. It wasn't unlike Lavi to go around attacking people and their personal space and Allen was always a target to the brotherly affection that Lavi like to display. "I heard mistletoe talk~."

"Of course you would, Lavi."

"Well, come on. It was kind of a thing to see. You guys missed it totally…Er, well you missed hearing it, Marie. No offense there my sightless pal. Yuu totally kept walking right into it. For a second there, I thought Cross and he were going to combust into flames."

"They're both going to hell, so it would make sense," Allen grunted and made a face at Lavi—who had decided he was staying right where he was for as long as he intended to rub whatever it was he was rubbing in Allen face.

"Oh come on, Allen. Aren't you at least a little jealous that he got a big ol' smooch from Klaud? I mean, she's a total babe."

Miranda chuckled and Allen suspected it was because of Lavi's typical behavior. It was unsurprising for Lavi to say such things and even less surprising to make it out like it was a bigger thing than it was.

It was Marie that finally spoke. "Well, I think we're going to leave you two to this. If we see Kanda, we'll be sure to let him know you're over here discussing important things."

"Aw come on, don't go getting me in trouble," Lavi waved as they retreated.

Allen felt like Lavi shooed them off and he wasn't sure if that was a good thing. Lavi was giving him this intent stare from the side and that never meant good things. Even though he focused intently on his food, Lavi still managed to break that concentration until Allen finally turned his eyes on Lavi and exhaled. "What is it, Lavi?"

"Oh come now, I just wanna hang out with my favorite beansprout!"

"You're supposed to be good at lying, why can I see right through it…" Allen grumbled glaring off in another direction in order to keep his eyes from expression just how suspicious he was.

"Aww, you're being a sour puss…You didn't catch the grump-ass STD from Yuu did you?"

"Lavi, please that's not something you can just cat-wait, did you just call it an STD? Why woul…" Allen's face probably gave him away in the instant he tripped over his words and he found it entirely unfair that Lavi would use these tactics against him. Allen's relationship with Kanda was no one's business, but somewhere along the way Lavi had picked up details that made him resort to tricking Allen into confirming it without bothering to ask. "…You know, if you have something you want to ask, then why don't you just ask it and stop trapping me!" Allen snapped and nearly spit his food on Lavi in the process. The man deserved it, really.

"It's much more fun watching the two of you pretend that no one will ever see it."

"I get it, really." With a groan, Allen had to admit defeat. He was thankful that Kanda was not around, because this would undoubtedly lead to Lavi's demise—especially the way he walked into the topic. "Is that all you wanted? To tell me you're on to us?"

"No, not really. I came to share cookies~!" A bright smile and a twitch from Allen filled the following moment before the younger of the two turned his body away and started eating his food. "Aw, you don't want any, bro? They're really good. And they don't set your mouth on fire."

"How did you figure it out?" Now that he knew Lavi was aware, he felt he had to know what tipped them off. That would bother him endlessly if he didn't know and it almost seemed like Lavi wanted to just spill it out all over him.

"Well, when Yuu was yodeling that really awful Christmas songs, and he did the 'my true love gave to me', you said 'no he didn't'. That made me curious, because why pick a dude pronoun, yeah? Then there was the fact that he about killed me with an orange because I jumped on you over the mistletoe…which you really owe me a big ol' smooch for that."

Allen waited for more, but it became apparent that Lavi had nothing else. Given the information that Lavi did have, he really just could not see how such an extreme line was drawn. That wasn't enough to incriminate anyone, let alone those two. Not that it mattered, because ultimately, Allen fell for the trap and Lavi got just what he wanted—confirmation for a suspicion. "Lavi, that's really…I could have just randomly picked a pronoun and he could have just thrown and orange because no one wants to see you kissing me, much less him."

"Oh and then there's the fact that I heard you guys the other night making noise when I came to drop off another thing to be wrapped, needless to say, I waited until the next day."

Ah. Ace up his sleeve. Of course. Well..

"Heh…well…that's…" He was at a loss for word and he really didn't want to have that discussion in a public place. They were keeping it a secret for reasons. "Just…don't tell anyone, okay? It's not really business we're out to share and will you stop smiling at me like that?"

"Is he good?"

"Is he whaaa…."

"Oh come on, with how you two spark and fight, it's gotta be like taming a wild tiger or—OW..ow! Oh okay! Ow," Lavi suddenly hollered and Allen's head turned a bit to see a flash of black. That was all he needed and he went back to chewing on his food, leaving Lavi to suffer the fate he'd earned by being a pest. "Yuu! Hi. Hi Yuu! Please…ow, let go of my hair…"

"What the fuck have I told you about calling me that, idiot rabbit?" Kanda voice was sharp like a knife and aimed to cut Lavi into little bits if at all possible. "And who the hell told you?" Those eyes flashed to Allen instantly, but the silver eyes that glanced back gave him all he needed to know that Allen hadn't spoken a word.

"Ah, come on! Don't ch..ch..choke me…please…"

"He figured it out on his own, Kanda, just let him go. You can kill him when it's less obvious. If you spread his innards across the room then someone is going to notice. And to be perfectly honest, these are nice clothes. I don't want blood on them and I refuse to pay for this couch if you're the reason it gets stained."

Kanda promptly let go of Lavi and watched the redhead collide in a puddle on the floor. Allen had inadvertently saved his life and he hoped the moron knew it. Watching Lavi slink away—probably back to Lenalee—Kanda turned his attention on Allen. "Why did you not protest it?"

"He trapped me, okay." Another bite of something sweet and yet it felt sour at that particular moment. There were perfectly good reasons why it was a bad idea to have people find out, but it didn't make this thing they had feel any less weak at that particular moment. "If I'm embarrassing, I'm sorry. I'll refrain from risking your integrity."

Kanda's fist turned Allen's head sideways with the impact it made, following that dry remark. "I ought to throw you into the fireplace with you talking shit like that."

"Damn it, Kanda! Quit hitting me! Unless you want a real fight! Because I'll kick your pretty-boy ass just like you obviously want me to." Allen's temper was short at the moment and Kanda was likely to be on the receiving end of it. He was feeling bitter because of a few things and one of them he'd already been reminded of. It was stupid and it embarrassed him that it was even a thing. Kanda was kissed by Klaud. It may not have seemed like a big deal to Kanda, but it was annoying Allen a lot.

"Oh will you now? I'd like to see you try, short-shit. Because you've got a lot less bite than your bark."

Allen leaned forward and calmly placed his plate on the table in front of the couch. He had no intention of wearing his food, but he sure had an intention to make Kanda wear the imprints of his fist at that moment. With a swift, fluid movement, Allen turned and nearly leapt over the back of the couch, his torso stopped by the backrest. His fingers reached and clawed for something of Kanda's to latch on to and with great fortune, he managed a nice handful of the man's silky hair. Any other time, he would be running his fingers through that hair—at that moment, he was yanking on it mercilessly. "What was that about less bite, you giant jerkoff?!"

"Ow, you little fucker, let go!" Kanda's voice contorted into something that was between a shriek, hiss and snarl. It was a grinding sound that nearly made Allen let go. He didn't, though. He only pulled harder until Kanda's hands rose to shove at Allen—the heel of his palms nearly crushing Allen's collarbones.

"What's wrong, Kanda. Getting bent out of shape over your pretty hair?"

"I'm going to bend you out of shape and fuck your face repeatedly with my fist if you don't fucking let go of my goddamned hair you little shitfuck heathen!"

Allen's fists curled until his knuckles where white and holding a death grip on Kanda's hair. He wasn't letting go, no matter how many swears that man flung at him. This was Kanda's fault and Allen was feeling petty at the moment. "Such ugly things shouldn't come out a pretty lady's mouth, you know." He grunted and held on, even while Kanda was grabbing at his arms and hoisting him over the back of the couch entirely. This was not going to be over that quickly.

Unfortunately, he knew he should have let go when it got to the point that he was tipping the couch. By that point, they had gained attention from the others and he could vaguely hear voices telling them to stop. It was too bad that they were already fully fired up and ready to see who begged for mercy first—and just like their childish size comparing, neither were going to back down. Allen let gravity keep him down as long as he could, but Kanda's strength was overthrowing the couch and when that gravity shifted, he scrambled to not be dropped like a brick with the couch.

The piece of furniture turned over and Allen had to roll back and let the seats catch him before he ended up falling over in a heap. Unfortunately, Kanda didn't have the same mindset, nor the same balance and Allen's pull on his hair made him drop forward—turning the couch back where it was. In the process of displacing the couch like a rocking horse, both Allen and Kanda ended up getting thrown across the front of it in an embarrassing heap. Allen yelped when Kanda's face crunched into his chest and knocked the breath out of him.

Kanda, on the other hand, saw white spots in his vision and cursed into Allen's shirt as soon as he was sure he'd broken his nose. Fortunately to him, he made sure to bleed all over the boy's clothing for good measure. However, lying on his face wasn't comfortable and he pulled himself with a grumble until he could turn right side up and sit there with his hand over his nose—keeping from pouring much more blood out of his face. "You stupid beansprout," he hissed, sounding ridiculous with his nose blocked off like it was.

"This is all your fault!" Allen pointed at him—refusing to take the equal blame, because Kanda clearly asked for this and Allen was feeling considerably childish at the moment.

"My fault, you're the one who kept pulling my fuckin hair! This is supposed to be a Christmas party or some shit, you're not supposed to go around attacking people because this is a holiday of love and peace and all that other stupid shit that people don't care about the rest of the year!"

"This is going to be a holiday about me kicking your ass!" Allen's temperamental side was flaring up and Kanda was feeding it insistently.

"Hey hey hey! You two, calm down."

Two pairs of eyes followed the sound until they reach the voice that was making the attempt to calm the flames of war. Komui, the brave soul who had stepped up, backed away just a bit and pleadingly tried to wave the two of them down. Allen deflated a bit, seeing Komui's nervous face at the way they seemed like they were going to slaughter each other. Which, in all fairness, they probably were.

Kanda on the other hand, leaned back a bit and placed his foot right over Allen's chest, leaning his weight on it in order to push himself up. He paid no mind to the loud groan Allen let out when he felt his chest being crushed in. The Asian male was already annoyed and recovering his broken nose. "I'm going to go clean my fucking face, because someone can't keep his hands to himself."

"Oh yeah? Why don't you go hang out under the mistletoe some more, you jerkoff. Maybe this time my master will actually bequeath you the kiss a princess of your caliber deserves." That normally placid tongue spat it like fire, but kept very carefully from the part that actually made him return back to that particular thing. Allen wasn't even jealous of the fact that Kanda was kissed by her. When he really thought about it, it was because he couldn't get away with doing that to Kanda in public. "On second thought, you probably suck at kissing anyway."

It took three people jumping in at that time to keep Kanda from attacking Allen. Two people held him back at his arms and on person had him in a headlock. Allen stuck his tongue out and stood—brushing his clothes and making a face at the fact that Kanda's blood was all over his shirt. He didn't say another word and turned to leave, he was going to go cool off and be the bigger person about it now that he'd already hissed childishly enough at Kanda. It upset him a bit that he could even get like that. He always thought it manners were refined and well practiced. Those unraveled quickly when he and Kanda rubbed the wrong way.

"Yes, and maybe some day someone will kiss you without having to pay you first!"

Allen turned around in a split second and made a furious leap at Kanda.

**To Be Continued**…

* * *

_A/N: Uh oh, trouble in paradise. _


	11. The Eve of Chaos

**Day Eleven**  
_The Eve of Chaos_

"Go, go, go, go, go!"

Allen heard the chanting as he walked back in the room—having left to wash his face and cool himself after he and Kanda decided to lose it like a couple of morons. The one good punch to his face had made him bite his cheek and spent a good ten minutes flushing blood out of his mouth. He more than made up for it by giving his opponent a second crunch to the nose. Since that fight, Allen had chosen to cool off outside with Lenalee and a couple of the others. She had been the one calming him down from the fight.

Their fight had been a bit ridiculous and both of them were slugging each other with stupid insults that didn't serve to accomplish anything more than make each other mad—so nothing out of the ordinary. It was a bit upsetting, because Allen thought they had been getting along quite well. Though, Allen was trying to pinpoint at what point the argument had really gotten out of hand and he felt stupid to realize it was probably because he was feeling sour over that mistletoe thing…and then there was Lavi.

_Augh, what a mess. I guess I should probably apologize_, he sighed inwardly. He didn't want to apologize, because Kanda didn't exactly back down—but between them, it was best just to smile and make the stupid fight vanish. Spending Christmas upset with his partner was the last thing he really wanted and somehow he didn't think Kanda really enjoyed being this offset with him. They hadn't fought seriously for a while. Some part of him still wanted to believe they weren't even that serious in that one, but it was hard to ignore the way both of them had been nearly snarling in those last few minute before the Generals got involved in breaking them up.

And so there Allen was, entering back into the room and feeling a little better—only to find the sight before him. His head tilted and he searched out the loudest voice that was closest to him. Lavi. Of course. "What's going on?"

"Oh heya Allen, you came just in time." Lavi seemed a lot more entertained than he should be given the nature of most Christmas parties. "We're seeing who can throw back the most shots."

"Shots?" Allen blinked. "As in alcohol?" That wasn't what he was expecting at a Christmas party—on Christmas Eve no less. Somehow he expected this sort of event to be a little more uptight, but he also then remembered that most of these people probably didn't care for the religion that supposedly went with it. He knew Kanda specifically had no care for it. That fact was probably why Allen wasn't surprised to see Kanda taking shots back like they were water.

"Yep, it's down to Yuu and General Cross," the redhead nodded, keeping his analytical eye on both of the remaining challengers.

Allen had only been gone for an hour and this is what he'd come back to? Unbelievable. Admittedly, he was interested in seeing who would win this. Cross had the alcohol tolerance of an entire tavern, but Kanda could probably die a few times from alcohol poisoning before he'd have to call it quits. "So, how many lives do you think Kanda's used?" Allen asked, thinking about that fact.

"I dunno man, but he's tearing up that rum like no one's business. He's going to be so drunk after this, I'm not sure it'll be safe to let him blink on his own."

"I was under the impression Kanda couldn't hold his liquor." For some reason, Allen recalled someone mentioning something about it. He would have sworn that Kanda hadn't been on the list of people to watch out for in drinking games, but he was seeing different evidence here anyway.

"Yeah, well, he's determined this time. It seems like he really wants to show up the General."

_Or maybe he's drinking to stop thinking_, Allen's mind filled in another possible blank and he outwardly frowned. He didn't care if Kanda wanted to get himself smashed until he couldn't breathe without falling out of something, he just didn't want to be the reason for it. Kanda didn't seem like the type to resort to that sort of thing, however; and Allen would be sure to catch him when he finally decided to stop poisoning himself excessively. "I don't think he's going to be out-drinking Master Cross, he's like a fish when it comes to his liquor."

"Someone go tell that to Y—Oh, oh! I think we're going to have a winner here," Lavi's attention shifted and even Allen's eyes wandered over to see exactly how it would play out. Kanda managed to slam on more down before he couldn't keep his wits about him and leaned on his arm—wobbling a bit before he finally lost and hit the table.

_Not a surprise_, Allen shook his head; but he did note that Cross was looking a little bit—extremely—toasted himself. Even if Kanda could trounce past his alcohol limit, he couldn't do it nearly enough to put Cross face down on the table. _Well, I guess this is my opportunity to go retrieve him_.

"Heh, kid, come back when you're older and look like I should be calling you _boy_," Cross muttered under a smirk. Kanda was already half-dead on the table and most likely would have no recollection of Cross's wasted words, but Allen was certain that Kanda would be reminded at some point. His crushing defeat over who could survive intentionally poisoning themselves would hang over him for as long as Cross made it into a relevant thing.

Which meant forever.

"Welcome back, Allen, care for a drink?"

Allen shook his head and stared hesitantly at Cross. He knew better than to ever trust any offer from him. The teen regarded Cross's pleasantry with impending pain or torture in the form of debt or excessive physical labor. In other words, Allen wouldn't trust Cross as far as he could throw him—and given Cross's ability to snap him in two, he couldn't get close enough to even think about throwing him. "I'm just going to escort your opponent to the nearest body of water I can throw him in. I know the aftermath of being your opponent."

"Is that what we're calling it, hmm?" Cross was drunk, that much was obvious—but Allen knew that particular look very well and he was uncomfortable knowing that Cross could choose to be a cruel asshole if he really wanted to be. He had been kind enough to turn a blind eye to his apprentice's choice to partner with a fellow exorcist. A little alcohol gave the opportunity for it to slip, but he had to trust his master not to be that malicious to him.

"Yes, that's what I'm calling it," he stood stiffly, grateful that most people were just a bit too tipsy to really care that Allen was about to whisk Kanda away for next to no apparent reason. If he was asked, he would just use the excuse that he wanted to talk to him regarding their fight and reconcile. Not that they ever had any luck in the past on reconciliation. Kanda wasn't easy to get along with and Allen was a bad instigator when it came to Kanda.

Cross's feet propped up on the table, just beside Kanda's head and the redhead threw back another shot—which Allen couldn't understand how. "Take him, by all means. Be sure to tell the little pretty boy to come back when he can hold his liquor like a man."

"I'll…make sure that's the first thing I tell him," Allen rolled his eyes when he was facing away from the man. He didn't want to incur any of Cross's wrath at that moment and retrieving his knocked out partner was the actual goal.

Fortunately, Kanda was extremely pliant when he was intoxicated beyond what any normal human should ever be and Allen was easily able to slid the man off the table and wrap his arm around him. He wasn't going to take his dignity by carrying him out bridal style, so he had to rouse the man just enough to get him to trot along. It was harder than he thought, but he managed to hiss at him enough to get instinctual motion out of him. That was more than he expected. It was more for Kanda's sake than it was for his own, really. If he wanted to do this the easy way, he could have just slung Kanda over his shoulder.

…Though, he knew better than to do such a thing if he didn't want a drunken person vomiting all down his back. That road had been long since travelled and blocked off with a lot more caution tape than he could probably ever find in reality.

"You take good care of him now, Allen," Cross's mockingly drunk voice nearly made him turn an ugly face at him, but he knew better than to acknowledge the taunting.

Instead, he carefully led Kanda from the room, waving Lavi off. There was one fortunate thing about Lavi now knowing their personal business, and it came with the simple fact that one look was enough to make Lavi concede. It was sort of Lavi's fault to begin with and Allen now had to at least patch it up enough for Christmas to not blow entirely. Christmas wasn't really his favorite holiday—and definitely not Kanda's—but he's made genuine efforts for it to be at least nice this year. He wasn't trying to be sentimental, but it was the first Christmas he'd have with a partner that he wasn't silently hiding his real face from. Kanda was the only bastard he'd come across that could punch his mask right off his face with no remorse.

Even as much as they fought, it was a conflict with reason—it was a complimenting conflict that never really got deeper than exchanging insults and sometimes fists. Though, the last one seemed to be a little beyond their usual.

"Kanda, you're more trouble than you should be worth," he muttered at the groggy man that he was struggling to drag along. Before long, Kanda's clarity would return and he could force him to clean himself up a bit. The healing power of Kanda's body was amazing and quick. By the time he could get a cold cloth on his face, Kanda would be coming back around—at least enough to speak to.

Unfortunately, the trek down the long hall was time consuming and he could still hear the echoes of the Christmas Party behind him. It wasn't that he wanted to be spending it with the rest of them that much; it was that they had interrupted a party with their bickering—because Kanda just had to be an asshat back at him. The clock was beginning to turn to the later hours too and it wouldn't be too long before everyone would start to wrap up and get ready for bed so that they could all get up early and celebrate the holiday they didn't get to celebrate often.

He had a few hours to fix his pissy companion. If he was slick about it, he could even wiggle his way into the man's bed—which was significantly warmer than his own, given that Kanda's body would also be in it.

_Priorities, Allen,_ he scowled at himself as he finally got Kanda into the washroom. The Asian male made a few grunts that indicated there was still life in him somewhere and that he was possibly on his way back to reality. So Allen leaned him up against the wall and helped him slide down the wall comfortably, grabbing a cloth to dip in cold water. Kanda's body may be amazing, but poison was still poison and alcohol was technically one of those. It was inevitable that he would experience a flash fever.

That would pass quickly, if he knew Kanda.

So Allen waited, leaving a cool towel around the man's neck and backing off so he didn't think he was being babied when he finally did come back. Kanda was very particular about that sort of thing. The man had his pride, he supposed.

"Augh," the sound came after a long stretch of silence and Allen's eyes turned over to the inebriated comrade. "Where the hell…"

"You're in the washroom."

"When the fuck did I…" Kanda leaned forward a bit and tried to stabilize himself—still wearing it off, despite his seeming awareness. That was the one downside, Kanda thought. He couldn't stay drunk. Not for long anyway—though this last time definitely lasted longer than it used to; a side effect of using his seal excessively, he assumed. "I didn't walk here."

He didn't have to look to see the accusatory glare. "I didn't carry you, you walked with me."

"Did I now?"

"Yes, after you lost to Cross."

"…_Fuck_." Kanda's face crunched up into a deep scowl and Allen wanted to poke his cheek to make him smooth that mess out.

In fact, he leaned forward and poked him anyway—receiving Kanda's teeth nearly chomping his finger off as the result. "It's not like you had a chance at beating him. That man could probably out drink an entire bar, trust me. I've got several bars worth of liquor on my tab. Valiant effort though."

"Ah stuff it, you're not in here to congratulate me on losing, you're here to annoy me and what the fuck are you doing, beansprout," Kanda hissed and nearly folded himself in half to escape Allen's impending hug. The little asshat's arms wrapped around him and white hair spilled across the side of his face in the way Allen was leaned over him. The little fuckass was cuddling him. _What. What…Why._ "…Beansprout…"

"Sorry, I didn't mean to rub my curse all over you. I might infect you too," Allen whispered fondly before he had to move back so he wouldn't receive Kanda's elbow in places he didn't want an elbow. "Okay, okay, I'm done. Now are you going to let me talk to you or should I wait until you're done being dumb?...Wait, I'd be waiting forever."

Kanda clicked his tongue and pushed Allen with a lazy shove and moved to stand, shedding the jacket he was wearing and leaving it on the floor. It wasn't his anyway, so he really didn't care. "I'm not talking to you here. Not in a fucking bathroom, that's gay."

Allen stared at him for a moment. "Uh…Kanda…there's something I think you need to know—."

"Don't get smart with me; now get out before I kick you across the room."

"So abusive," Allen whistled and poked at Timcanpy as they exited the room. He was at least pleased to see Kanda being cooperative enough to follow him. Once they exited the room, Kanda took the lead and that was fine with Allen. All he wanted was to talk to Kanda and sort of smooth out their fight—where it took place didn't really matter much to him. He did, however, think it was strange that Kanda's steps led them to the room with the Christmas Tree.

The tree was separated from the party for the sake of keeping everything neat and tidy—presents untouched under the tree and nicely arranged, courtesy of Lenalee. It looked nice when it was completed, even Allen could admit that. The lights made the dim room have a calming wintry feel without it having to be colder than ice.

They'd placed chairs throughout the room and small sofa seats for when everyone would be in there in the morning—breakfast courtesy of the chefs—and a warm fire lit. This was really something Allen had never had and he suspected these people didn't do it often enough either. It was warming, welcoming, and he suspected Kanda hated it. He had to wonder why that was, but he didn't ask.

"So what do you want to yap at me about, beansprout? About how you flipped your shit on me earlier?"

A twitch pulled at Allen's face. "I didn't lose my shit, Kanda, you egged me on."

"Because you were being a giant fuckin' drama queen," the taller man made an exasperated face and rubbed his temples already feeling the sting of annoyance at Allen. This conversation was probably half the reason being drunk was preferable.

"Excuse me for feeling stupid when you ask me why I didn't deny it. I guess that's not something that I think lovers should do. If you weren't ashamed, then I don't see why a friend couldn't know. Lavi doesn't care. He's not judging."

Kanda's dark eyes remained fixed on the tree in front of him. Looking at Allen would piss him off because the boy was damned stupid sometimes. "I don't want to deal with people. I don't want him asking stupid fucking questions and I don't want others to catch on, because it's none of their fucking business. Any relationship of mine is not to be made a spectacle of. If you want to share it like an open book, then you leave me out of it."

"Leave you o…" Allen's teeth gritted and he came right up to Kanda, merely inches from the man and eyes to eye. "Really? Is that how you're going to be about this? It's okay for an older woman to kiss you in public, but your own partner can't? What the hell Kanda? Do you disregard me that much?"

A hand moved, pressing into Allen's chest and keeping him at bay—while also curling the fingers into the fabric. "Listen here, you little shit…That wasn't by choice. I didn't kiss that woman. I never would have and I didn't have any idea she was going to do that. That was Lavi's stupid ass idea. I wouldn't kiss you in public because that's something shared between me and you and they have no place in that." He pushed Allen back quite a bit—letting go of his shirt, with eyes still blazing. "If you have a problem with that, then I don't know where we're going from here. This wasn't supposed to be a _relationship._ You just wouldn't get the fuck out of my hair."

"I'm sorry, your hair is really nice," Allen snapped, feeling a bit sheepish even as he felt the pleasant hum in his body. Kanda's way of expression was stupid and usually full of insults and meanness, but somewhere in there he cared enough to make it personal.

Kanda deflated, because really, Allen was just too much to deal with when he lost his flare. Apparently he'd said enough to get the little asshat off his back and that was fine. "If you really felt that way, you wouldn't have tried to pull it all out earlier."

"I have to hit you where it really hurts, Kanda. And everyone knows that a punch to the dick doesn't even work on you."

"I'm not sure if I'm supposed to take that as a compliment to my ability to take pain, or an insult to my masculinity," he remarked, a brow arching as Allen moved to step back to him.

"Take it how you will, Kanda. Just be nice, it's almost Christma—." Allen's voice cut short when his foot came down on Timcanpy. The British boy nearly shrieked when he realized there was no hope to stop. It was a nightmare-come-true in the way he just had to pull Kanda with him.

Kanda, who was standing by the tree.

He _had_ to be by the tree.

If Allen wasn't busy toppling over his own feet—and Timcanpy—and crashing down on Kanda, he would be extremely agitated at the little golden creature.

The only fortunate thing was that the tree broke their fall. Both of them breathed as they begged the damned thing not to tip over with them. It was leaning painfully on the weak looking stand, but it was holding still while they collected themselves. Unfortunately, the ornaments didn't withstand and all the decorative bulbs they'd collided with dropped off the tree and shattered against the floor at their feet—the sound of glass erupting across the clean marble and filling the air like shockwaves of sound in the dead air.

Both of the stared at each other once they found complete stillness and the chance to carefully untangle themselves from the branches. Lenalee had said those bulbs were _fragile_ and now they were _broken. _

"Well…It might be fortunate we're both rolling on the wrong side of the street. Because when she's done with us, I don't think we'll be siring any children—even if we wanted to."

"You're strangely calm with the concept of her boots sterilizing you, Kanda."

"It only takes once."

"I don't want to ask."

They stood back for a moment, surveying the damages in the dim light. They'd knocked the stupid thing crooked a little, but the big thing was the ornaments and glass that was now everywhere. On top of that, he noted the star-top fell off and crashed to the other side. _Perfect._ It was almost Christmas and they'd made a mess of the central meet point.

"What do we do?"

"We have to clean this up, as much as that idea annoys me." Kanda folded his arms and kicked his foot right into Timcanpy's little gold body—shooting him across the room without much effort. He was perfectly forgiven for this abuse this time. "We can sweep up the ornaments and you can beg her for forgiveness later."

"How are we going to fix the gaping holes in the tree though? The ornaments are all gone now."

"You just go get a damned broom; you monkey, and sweep up the glass. I'm going to go get paper and then I'm going to teach you how to fold without looking like you just sat there and smashed your face on it repeatedly."

"Fold?"

"Beansprout, go get a fuckin broom."

"Bossy," Allen stuck his tongue out and was nearly swiped at by Kanda—who was all but shooing him out like a mother does a young child.

"I will boss your fuckin' ass in a minute if you don't get that ass moving."

"Please do."

"**Get out.**"

"H…hey! Okay, okay, I'm going." Allen yelped and narrowly missed Kanda's foot going up toward his back end. He didn't actually need an asskicking. Still, he wondered what Kanda meant by folding paper? Well, at least Kanda had an idea of what to do. Allen didn't exactly get to make it to the ornament part of the 'building a Christmas tree' class. Kanda may be a big idiot, but he had to trust him not to get them both punted across the planet for messing up a perfectly set display.

Allen left, muttering something about Christmas miracles.

**To Be Continued…**

* * *

_A/N: Uh oh, they ruined Christmas! _


	12. The Christmas Mourning

**Day Twelve  
**_The Christmas Mourning_

"I'm tired…" A voice started at the break of dawn, when the other occupant of the room decided to start moving about. The two of them had been up way later than either intended, and one of them hadn't rested very good after many hours of work to fix an accident that shouldn't have happened in the first place. It was all that damned golem's fault and Allen's inability to not trip like a Grade A moron. To top that off, Allen was beyond help when it came to following simple instructions that came down to precision. Kanda supposed that was because of his one arm, but that didn't make it any less of a hassle.

"Once we're done with the socializing part, we can go sleep, right?" Allen's voice held the same grogginess as his own, but Allen was already in motion.

It was taking a lot more to get Kanda going—and he certainly blamed it on the fact that he'd been given very little time to walk off his flash drunkenness. The hours spent trying to rearrange a damned decoration had not only worn him down, but made him surpass the steeper levels of bitchiness. "Yeah, maybe. If we don't get roped into some stupid shit like ballroom dancing or building snowmen."

"I doubt they'd go that extreme, you know."

"They made me take a photo in a purple coat."

"That photo is the best thing, Kanda. I'm sorry, but you're never going to find my copy and I will never give it up," Allen's attention snapped at the mention of the photo that forced him to forcefully drag Kanda through the halls. "You even stuck your tongue out. How damn precio—hey!" The words died—and Allen almost with them, when Kanda's hand swiped out and nearly caught his throat in the chokehold he expected there would have been.

"Say another fuckin' word about that photo and so help you…" A large yawn followed and Kanda blinked the blur out of his vision—silently cursing the fact that he was so tired to begin with. "Augh, fuck this," he hissed just before they could keep that conversation going. His bed was warm and, even if there was a beansprout in it, he just wanted to curl back up and sleep.

"Kandaaaa." Of course, the beansprout himself was insistent that Kanda didn't roll back over and sleep until the whole holiday was just a memory for another year. After all the work they did the previous night…he really wanted to go join the others. He wanted to see what would happen and what they would do when they noticed a few things were a bit different. And he also had a few gifts to give to others. "Come on, you can come back and sleep when we're done. I won't even bother you, okay?"

Allen wanted to bother him—all day, every day—but Kanda had been benevolent enough to allow him to camp out in his room after they managed to put the tree back into a presentable state. For the few hours they'd actually been able to catch enough rest to vaguely resemble sleep, Allen had been curled up in blankets and his partner—so he had no complains overall.

"That's a damned lie," Kanda groaned, but finally did show some semblance of life and started to shake himself out of the half-asleep funk he was in. Even if his body was special, he still needed sleep. "You'll bother me for the rest of my very short life, I'm sure."

Allen frowned and curled his fingers in the pillow before hurling it into Kanda's face. Sure he was bitchier when he was tired, but Allen wasn't in the mood to hear Kanda's casual talk about dying early. That was not his idea of a pleasant Christmas morning—even if they'd technically spent the first hours of Christmas saving the damned tree. "It's Christmas, Kanda. Make this that blue moon where you're not a giant asshole."

"Augh, why did I make up with you again? You're a little pain in the fuckin ass. I just want to forget this god forsaken day. You go. I'll stay here and sleep and you can give them my best wishes."

"Stop being lame. These people have to deal with this attitude of yours all the time. The least you can do is pretend to care that someone does it without punching your lights out."

A foot came at Allen, but the boy was much swifter than Kanda was at that point in time and Kanda had to simply deal with scowling about missing him. The younger boy had already been awake for a handful of minutes before him—he had also fallen asleep sooner and slept like a log. Stupid brat was a lot less sloppy at that exact moment. "Get the hell out of my room if you're going to be a goddamned beansprout."

"But I was under the impression I can't fix this beansprout problem you seem to like accusing me of having."

"You can't, so get out and stay out forever."

"Rude," Allen whispered gruffly and adjusted his clothing—putting on a few of the garments he'd discarded when the both of them crawled into the bed to begin with. Even when Kanda was being a giant jerk, Allen's mind was still going over the details of the man's fonder moments. The way Kanda's warm skin pressed to his—both bare and leeching each other's heat—made Allen almost want to crawl back under the covers himself. Warm familiarity was a much better prize than getting up to celebrate a festive day that happened once a year—even though people prepared for it for much longer than necessary.

At the same time, he wanted to give everyone their gifts and he was certain there was going to be some good food. Allen Walker never said no to food. That being said, he had to wonder if Kanda had any reasons to want to get up and go through the motions of this celebration thing. He knew that Kanda didn't care about food. He also knew that Kanda's shopping trip had ended abysmally.

So what reasons did Kanda have that led him to decide to not roll back over and give everyone the one finger salute? Certainly, the others wouldn't be surprised if he didn't show up.

"You are coming, right?" Just to be sure, he felt that need to ask.

"Keep your panties on, beansprout, I need to get dressed."

"You know as well as I do, that neither of us has been in the habit of wearing _panties_ since ever."

Kanda didn't bother with the physical abuse that would have been his reply—he was too busy hopping around and trying to get his pants on in something of a speedy manner. He was getting a bit annoyed, because he really couldn't remember not being able to get into his clothes easily. For a brief moment he wondered if it was because he was too tired, but then a thought occurred to him and he waltzed over to Allen—roughly grabbing the boy by the waist band and pulling. The loose band confirmed his suspicions. "You are wearing my pants."

"Am I?" Allen's gray eyes reflected amusement. There was no doubting that Allen knew whose pants he had on and that nearly set Kanda on fire with agitation; the kind of agitation where he was ready to throw the beansprout on the bed and strip the pants off him. That was not a thing he could do when they were expected to be somewhere in a matter of five minutes—because stripping pants off would never stop there.

"Yes, you little cretin. I don't suppose you can give them back?" That was not a question that expected the actual result. There was no way he was going to finagle them off Allen and to be perfectly honest, he'd already shoved himself in Allen's pants and didn't have the energy to peel them off just yet— so he remained lamenting that they were hugging him very snugly. "Never fuckin mind," he grunted shortly after and reached for a shirt that he at least knew was his. It was the least British looking piece of clothing in the pile; a simple white button-up shirt. "Just get out."

Allen had intended to stay and sass him some more, but Kanda's foot ended up well placed against his rear—pushing him toward the door. At least Kanda was right behind him—even if he looked like a wreck and was smoothing his hair down as he walked. For a split second he considered whether or not it would be a good idea to both leave Kanda's room at the same time and if they might get figured out if they arrived together, but somewhere along the way, he stopped really caring. Kanda didn't seem to care too much.

That man just strolled along, overstepping his pace and finally slipping into the sweater that he'd thrown over his arm. Allen was grateful that Kanda's pace put him a few steps ahead of him, because he had a fantastic view from the back, and Kanda wore his smaller pants well enough to make Allen feel like it was a Christmas present just to get the eyeful.

Tim bopped against his head and he held out an arm for Tim to land on so he could carry the golem the rest of the way—also convenient, since he could have Tim recording Kanda's charming sway.

The recording was cut short, sadly, because the room—where they'd caused such a mess—wasn't actually that far away and they had held a good pace to get there before the bulk of people showed up. They weren't quick enough though, because there were already a good amount of people there and many of them were by the tree, looking at the new decorations that got put up at the last minute to cover for the fact that the two of them had accidentally broken a majority of the bigger, stand-out ones.

"Good morning," Allen announced warmly with a wave.

Lenalee turned first, spotting Allen probably before he'd even opened his mouth. There was a fond smile on her face and that wiped away any doubt Allen had of their mistake being painfully obvious. At least they didn't ruin Christmas…yet. "Good morning you two. Did you see the tree? It looks like _someone _came in here last night and did some rearranging."

Kanda's head turned to avoid her gaze. There was no way she didn't automatically know who to pin it on. The distinct signature of his craft had left it more than obvious. Not many people had the precision to fold paper the way Kanda seemed to and the numerous—extremely well crafted and ornate—paper cranes that were meticulously hung, had pointed all fingers at him. He knew he couldn't avoid being found out and at some point, she would ask why and he'd have to explain; but for the moment, she seemed content to just go with the nice alternate decoration scheme.

"Yeah, how about that," Kanda glanced at the cranes and rolled his eyes just a bit. "Some loser put origami things all over the tree."

"Some _loser_ indeed."

An elbow moved swiftly into Allen's side and Allen ducked back with a grunt from the impact of Kanda's strike. He knew better than to make those remarks, but Kanda just loved leaving the door wide open for them and who was he to deny him? Truthfully, Allen thought the tree was prettier with the cranes than it was before with the gaudy old-fashioned bulbous things that had been anchored to the poor limbs of the tree. It was amusing that it had been the only thing that Kanda could think of as a quick fix—but it worked anyway. "Rude."

"Shut up, damn moyashi."

"Come on, you two. It's Christmas, be nice!"

"I was nice by gracing you with my presence," Kanda held his arms out dramatically, but made no real effort to make his expression less than drained and bored.

"Gracing us, huh? Well, I suppose that's more than any of us thought we'd get out of you, Kanda," Lenalee chuckled and patted his chest fondly, leaving a small item in one of his hands that she forced open. "This is from all of us. You're not easy to shop for you know."

"Eh…?" _Shop for? What…_ "Hey what…You…I told you people I didn't want to participate in this mess. It's not my thing."

"Don't be a spoil sport and just look. I promise we didn't go overboard. It was just something that Lavi and I saw and decided on. Something you can use and think about us, hm?"

"Just what I need, to walk around thinking of a dumb rabbit," Kanda grumbled and opened his hand—fingers flattening to reveal an ornate band. The band had a metal clasp and the material was a handsome red that shimmered. From a part of the band hung a little metal chain with a red pearlescent gem fixed at the end. It was pretty, but masculine and very much fitting for Kanda's character. This piece was something he would actually use and judging by the metal fixes on it, he'd have a harder time breaking this one. His fingers curled back around it and he cast his glance away, feeling awkwardly displaced—which only earned a chuckle from Allen.

"I think that's his way of saying: 'thank you, sorry I'm too dumb to say it.'" Allen smiled and prodded Kanda's side; to which the man snarled at him lightly.

"Shut up, moyashi," he hissed and turned—half annoyed because it was somewhat true. He placed the band between his teeth and used his fingers to pull his hair back, combing the strands into a neat collection so he could test this piece that had been given to would be rude not to, he thought, and he worked for a moment to fasten it nice and snugly—his hair pulled up off his neck. "How does it look?" He asked quietly.

Lenalee smiled, leaning forward to tug his hair playfully. "It looks perfect. I knew it was just the thing for you. Merry Christmas, Kanda."

"Yeah, yeah…Your present is on the tree, go find it."

"Oh? You…?" Her face lit up a bit and a smile crawled wider across her face at the idea that Kanda had done something when she wasn't expecting it. No one ever expected it with Kanda, so when it happened, it was actually a real surprise.

"When did you put something on the tree like that?" Allen whispered, tagging along after Kanda once Lenalee had left to find the thing that Kanda had apparently snuck without him knowing.

"When your dumb ass crashed like a derailed train in my bed," a whisper returned, quieter than Allen's. They couldn't speak too loud now, not with so many people watching.

"I'm sorry, I was tired, my Innocence eats my energy down when I don't eat and you kind of interrupted my eating when you started a fight with me."

"I didn't start that fight, but if you want to start Christmas with knuckles in your nose, I can comply," Kanda turned swiftly and glared at him for a long awkward moment. "Well?"

"That hairband looks great."

"…Fuckin' loser."

The two of them made their way across the room, mainly because there was promise of breakfast related snacks and drink and Allen was gleeful for the opportunity to hit up the delicious array. Kanda was just there for whatever drink he could find that would give him the energy he decidedly didn't have. From where he was, he was able to watch people glancing over the tree and feel a little more eased by the fact that no one was saying it looked like shit.

The previous night had been a trying task of folding at least twenty small cranes. That wasn't too hard of a challenge, but Allen was insistent on mangling the damned paper creatures and Kanda's patience was never his strong suit anyway. To top that off, they probably broke more ornaments just trying to sweep up the glass from the previous set.

The tree seemed to fare well from its new adornments, so Kanda was able to brush it off and hopefully avoid being confronted as to why it was obvious that his crafts were all over the tree. If he was confronted, he'd have to explain why each crane had a decoratively written name on it—each signifying his companions. Somehow he didn't think he could just explain that Allen made him do it and get away without questions. All of it was dumb, but somehow, the gesture seemed to be getting him off the hook for the majority of his attitude.

"What did you get Lenalee anyway?"

"One of those little butterfly pin things."

"Pin things?"

"You stick it in your hair?"

Allen restrained the chuckle that really wanted to come out—because it was funny in a way. "…Oh my god, you guys swapped hair gifts. Like true sisters."

Kanda's palm opened up and traveled quickly up the side of Allen's head, even as the boy laughed. He was less than amused, but not in the mood to throw him across the room. "You're stupid. Go hang out with Lavi. Magnetize your stupid into one collective location so I know where to not go so I can avoid it."

"Come on, Kanda. Don't be like that. It's Christmas."

"Christmas means misery in some languages."

"Oh? What language?"

"Mine," Kanda remarked blankly. "Now go feed like an animal while I lament silently over here.

"Okay. I'll be right back."

"Is that a threat?'

Allen's tongue stuck out a Kanda and the boy turned with food as the destination. He couldn't latch on to Kanda anyway, even if he wanted to. The two of them weren't known for being close and they were still trying to be some degree of discreet. So Allen had no choice but to meander off anyway. Once Lavi came around and started harassing Kanda, Allen would rejoin him and he was sure Lenalee wouldn't be far behind. With everyone moving around and exchanging gifts, there would be a gap of time before they all collected together. Allen had plenty of time to inhale as much delicious food as he could.

Later, he would give Kanda the gift he'd picked out. It wasn't anything excessive, but he hoped it would be a suitable replacement for the broken hourglass. Allen was stupid where these things came, so he'd had the glass inscribed with a flower on the upper half. The only thing he knew about Kanda and plants, was that Kanda has some familiarity with lotus flowers. Beyond that, he knew nothing. He hoped he wasn't overstepping his bounds on that, but the etched glass came out looking beautiful, so he couldn't imagine Kanda wouldn't appreciate it to some degree.

That would have to wait, however—even if it killed him.

Kanda, on the other hand, chose to pass the time by taking a seat by the fire that had been set probably not much longer after he and Allen had left from nearly ruining Christmas. The holiday wasn't supposed to break his spirit, so he spent a handful of time meditating in the warmth and collecting himself until he was sufficiently stabilized and less groggy than before. Sure, he could hear the festivities, laughing and chatter around him—but he could tune it to where it wasn't much more than background noise. It wasn't unlike him to make a presence long enough to show he would turn up, then isolate himself. It was the Kanda thing to do.

And in a strange way, it annoyed him. It annoyed him because he was missing his dumb companion. The argument Allen had presented him with didn't quite leave him. Instead, it echoed in his mind to the point where he was scoffing externally. "Stupid beansprout," he muttered to himself and raised a hand out in front of the fire to take in the warmth more directly.

The sounds of people had diminished a bit and he looked around to see a thinning crowd of people. It appeared they were going outside—the second stage of the Christmas celebration, if he remembered correctly. He'd spend enough time meditating to completely tune out the passage of time and he noted a dumb redhead near the exit waving at him and then pushing Allen back toward him. They wanted him to go with them, it seemed.

Augh.

He really would have preferred to not be dragged outside to enjoy the biting cold and end up pegged with snow. There was no avoiding it, he supposed. Not that he offered himself. He remained where he was and planned to until he was actually beckoned out.

It wasn't until the last person left that Allen finally did crawl back in with the intend to do just that—drag him out, even if that meant kicking and screaming. "Kanda. Everyone's going outside. Come with?"

"What purpose is there even in going outside? It's too fucking cold to be out there playing, or whatever they want us to do."

"It's called social interaction. It's not actually a disease. Don't listen to what they tell you," Allen rolled his eyes and held his and out, hoping the man would be easy on him and take it. Thankfully, after a long moment of waiting for Kanda to give in, the man finally did and took his hand. He pulled him up with a triumphant grin. "You spent a while crawled up in a corner, being outside won't kill you."

"Yes it will. I just won't stay dead, much to my complete dismay."

Another eye roll and Allen concluded that he would be doing that for a bulk of the day. Kanda wasn't exactly the most cheerful thing to work with and he was being particularly bratty. Really, he probably needed sleep; but was forgoing it to be polite. No matter what Kanda claimed, the man was respectful to certain things. His presence—while bitter and rude as it was—was asserted and he made certain his mark had been left to some degree. Just the tree had gotten a lot of attention—attention that Kanda hadn't even noticed because he was holed up in front of the fire.

All of the cranes had been so nicely made and written on and Kanda was pretty much oblivious to other's appreciation for something different on a Christmas.

Allen's eyes combed over the tree again, noting the placement of each crane and the way each had been made in different color and paper type—labeled according to which crane matched who. Every now and then, the tree itself shook and the light glimmered off the shiny paper. It looked nice. Allen also had to laugh, looking up at the new tree topper.

He had to say, Timcanpy was a real sport to sit up there, occasionally jingling the bells tied to the tip of his tail.

"Are we going or not? Or are you going to lust after the Christmas tree?"

Silver eyes turned back with a blank, hollow stare. "You're the one who was hiding and you're pushing me? That's precious."

"Oh just get out already, the faster I appease you people, the fast I get to go back the fuck to sleep and pretend all of you don't exist."

Kanda's hands shooed at Allen and the boy moved along, making disgruntled noises as he was ushered by a man who had turned from placid into pushy in the span of sixty seconds. He'd never understand Kanda. Not that he was trying to understand Kanda completely—there was always excitement in surprise—but even a little would be nice.

"Hey beansprout," Kanda's voice broke the sudden silence of a room that had been filled to the brim with people not but twenty minutes before.

"What Kanda?" Allen had a quick snap on the end of his tongue for whatever Kanda planned to say, but he was met with nothing but Kanda's suddenly close presence and the man's arms poised in such a way that he was directing Allen's attention to something above. So he craned his neck, catching the sight Kanda wanted him to see and a little glimmer of shock passed his face when he brain compiled the understanding of it.

"Mistletoe."

"Kanda…you…" But the words died—suffocated by Kanda's mouth. The warm press of Kanda's body to him left Allen with a pleasant tingle in his body. Even if it was brief—not much more than a sloppy peck open-mouthed kiss—it was more than enough to sate Allen's previous desire to have that opportunity. No, there wasn't anyone watching that they were aware of, but it was enough.

"Now, let's go," Kanda grunted—his lips leaving soft vibrations across Allen's lips from the sound. Kanda's hand covered Allen's for just a moment and then the man disappeared from Kanda grip and swiftly exited the room—leaving his partner standing there like an idiot.

"Damn it…augh …" Allen exhaled a breath, not sure if that had been satisfying enough just in the way Kanda retreated. It wasn't until he opened his hand that he realized what had actually happened there and he smiled wide. "That was pretty slick, Kanda." He muttered, holding the key that had been slipped into his hand before him. "Merry Christmas to me, indeed."

**Concluded in Epilogue**

* * *

_A/N: Well, that was an experience and a half! At the last minute this year, I decided to embark on this large chaptered journey to write the ultimate humor Christmas fic and now it is complete. I'm planning for an epilogue, so stay tuned. Regardless, this was finished within my self set deadline!_

_I know the humor wasn't as strong in some places as others, but I had to go back on the fact that ultimately, this was a yullen fic and the ending tried to reflect that most. That being said, I hope I kept everyone in well enough character and I hope you were able to enjoy reading it as I was enjoying writing it. Thank you all for sticking with me and now that this is complete, I'm going to return to a few of the other fics I've "seemingly" abandoned. So maybe I'll see you there. If not, well thank you for sticking with me here! It's been a great 12 days!_


	13. Epilogue: The Late Gift

**Epilogue  
**_The Late Gift_

Allen felt nothing, if not warm. His body was curled up with his partner's and they had a decent selection of blankets containing that warmth that was making Allen feel like he was in a pleasant haze. Kanda was turned on his side, with his arm slung over Allen—keeping them close. They had both just come down from a frenzied high and they fell into a soothing silence for the moment—breathing in each other, devoid of conflict for a change.

The way Kanda's head was leaned on the pillow made Allen smile. The man's neck was wide open and a perfect spot for him to move his face and snuggle right up to. This was, perhaps, what Kanda had been referring to when he expressed any worry about Allen cuddling up to him—because Allen sure was. He was tangled with Kanda's limbs and pressed close enough to feel his heart beating through his chest. It was great, because Kanda was still awake. Awake and not having a fit over Allen's current place. It was really nice.

He couldn't help but inhale and shift in place—just enjoying the way Kanda's skin felt against his. He could even ignore that they both were probably in a great need of a bath. It didn't really matter to him anymore. Anything they did in that bed was done without remorse and Kanda seemed like the type to bleed in the med he made, so Allen would too.

"Merry Christmas, Kanda."

"Tch," Kanda muttered, eyes fluttering lightly. "Christmas was over like three hours ago, beansprout."

"…Th…three? We were…for that long?"

"Yes. You came in here at about ten."

Allen's face turned, sliding his cheek against Kanda's collar bone and he did the mental math. "We were going for five hours?"

"I'm not sure how this surprises you," Kanda nearly shrugged with a slight hint of a chuckle. "We went through like five rounds. When I gave you the key, I didn't think you were going to pounce like a dog in heat."

"I didn't see you saying no. In fact, I distinctly remember you giving a thumbs up."

"That wasn't a thumb."

"..I…you…Kanda!"

"Puts a whole new perspective on twiddling thumbs."

"Kanda, no."

"I won't tell anyone about your thumbsucking problem."

"**Kanda** _please_, **oh my god**." Allen rolled a bit and pushed his hand into Kanda's face—to which Kanda responded with something between an annoyed grunt and an amused chuckle. Leave it to Kanda to fluster Allen up that much from just stupid metaphors.

"You opened the door to that one, dumbass."

It was also entirely like Kanda to blame him for his horrible way of thinking about everything; and yet, Allen simply exhaled and accepted that Kanda was just a terrible person all around. It wasn't a surprise and he was okay with it ultimately. It did help that his partner was terrific in bed, but that was neither here nor there. "Yes, but you really didn't have to kick it in the rest of the way, you know."

"Yes I did."

"No you didn't, don't you know that's impolite?"

"So is sneaking into a man's room, climbing in his bed and giving him an unannounced mouth hug."

"We dropped the innocent metaphors didn't we?"

"Where was your first clue?"

"…I still didn't see you complaining," Allen grumbled and rolled over on Kanda until he heard the man make a strained huff. He sprawled his body along Kanda's—who was pushed to laying on his back for Allen's change in laying.

"Who in their right mind would actually complain to that—that would be absurd." With a flick, Kanda rolled his eyes at Allen's new way of being over affectionate—just like he predicted would happen. Stupid beansprout. "You've gotten better at it, in any case."

"Since when are you the master of …that?"

"I hate to break this to you, beansprout. But I'm way better at sucking dick than you are."

"Are you sure you want to be proud of that?"

"It's not a matter of pride, you dumbass," he pauses to shift and lift his arms so he can shove his hands behind his head. "It's a simple fact. I am just better at it."

"That's because god gave you a magical lack of gag reflex."

"That doesn't change the facts."

"Fine Kanda, you're the king of sucking dicks. There, are you happy?"

"Ecstatic."

Allen would have called him an idiot if it didn't amuse him as much as it did. Despite Kanda's strange way of expression—and apparent need to be recognized for the abilities of his mouth—was what kept Allen where he was. Whether they lasted or not, Allen could appreciate what he had at the moment.

Listening to Kanda's heartbeat was a soothing rhythm that almost put him to sleep until he jarred himself out of it. There was still something he needed to do before they finally submitted to oblivion—which he was certain would hit both of them very hard when they finally did give in. As much as he didn't want to, this thing he wanted to do required him to get up and leave Kanda's body and as such, his warmth. He turns his face into Kanda's chest and licked his skin with a fond mumble before he pushed himself up and rolled back off him.

When the cool air hit him, he almost crawled back in, but he steeled himself and slid off the bed and let the sheets slide off his body—leaving him exposed to the cool air entirely. With anyone else, he would have felt awkward and uncomfortable being naked and just moving around, but it felt second nature to Allen. He didn't know if this was a good or bad thing, but he stopped caring to think about it.

"Hey, where are you going, beansprout?"

"Relax, I'm not going anywhere. I can't find half of my clothes without proper light anyway." Even as he said that, he set a small lamp to at least give enough light in the room for Kanda to see him—definitely not enough to provide the light he'd need just to find out where the hell his pants disappeared to.

"Well what are you doing anyway?"

"Just shut up and wait," Allen stuck his tongue out and rummaged through a pile of clothes from days before. That pile of clothes had been the perfect hiding place for what he was fishing out. He didn't bother to really wrap this thing he brandished, but he wrapped a silk cloth and tied it at the top so that it would at least be a small bit of a surprise. "I just remember that I have something for you."

"Something for me?" A fine brow arched and Kanda squinted to try and make out more than shadows on Allen's left. Fortunately, he didn't have to struggle too hard or for very long, because Allen returned with the item in hand.

"It's something I got you for Christmas and before you get pissy with me, it's really not a big deal okay. Don't have a cow." It was a preemptive attempt to keep Kanda from hissing at him for participating in the holiday in any sort of sentimental way. Allen didn't really care if Kanda got mad, but it would be a lot easier giving him the gift if Kanda wasn't acting like a little bitch about it.

He shuffled back to the bed with the item in one hand and proceeded to huddle back under the covers because, damn, it was cold. He situated himself so that he was lying shoulder to shoulder with Kanda and holding the item up in front of him—and subsequently, Kanda. The item hovered over Kanda and Allen urged him to take it.

"What is this?"

"You're supposed to open it and find out, jackass."

"Damn it, beansprout…" Even though he let out an outward display of annoyance, Kanda took the item and easily pulled the tie free so the cloth would slide off it. The item itself was light—it felt hollow, like glass. When the light gleamed off the item, he was proud to confirm his guess that it was glass. What he didn't expect was that the glass shaped to be once the cloth dropped—settling in a pile on his chest.

"It's sort of an apology for being the reason the other one is cracked…I couldn't replace the other one because I couldn't just take it…So I…I found a different one and I'm sorry if it's the wrong thing, but…"

"Shut up," Kanda's voice cut Allen's words apart and the boy shut up while Kanda was staring at the glass object in his hands. His fingers grazed over the finely blown glass that came to an hourglass shape. It wasn't like the hour glass that had been on his desk. It was a bit smaller, yet some how more ornate. He couldn't explain the feeling that hit him when his thumb brushed over a fine etching in the front of it. Right into the glass was an engraved image, sketched to be obvious and yet not glaringly so.

For many reasons, Kanda couldn't speak right away. One reason could have to do with the singular fact that the engraved image was a lotus. How and where Allen had gotten the idea to have that placed on there was very far out of Kanda's ability to really fathom. He hadn't made any indication there was a lotus connected to him in anyway. But despite that, there lied a symbolism with its placement. The flower was situated at the top half of the hourglass. Permanent. Not moving. Unlike the illusion of that flower he'd always seen in the empty one before it. This one wasn't an illusion and this one wasn't taunting him. "Why a lotus?" He finally asked quietly.

"That's what you smell like all the time and I know you enjoy botany."

Did he really smell like it? He hadn't really been aware, but perhaps he'd learned to ignore the scent of the flower he always assumed would haunt him forever. Even so, that could be ignored. The main thing was that he was staring something he'd grown to despise, with something that could only be described as fondness. Allen's gift was strangely lifting a dreadful weight off his chest; like he'd been waiting his whole life for someone to tell him—even if wordlessly—that his entire life wasn't based on a projected path. This flower on this glass would never descend. It was etched into the glass permanently. Even if he wasn't permanent, this flower wasn't there to count his life down like a misery wielding death clock.

_Damn it. _

"Did I do bad…?" Allen had worried about this gift and no one could deny that Kanda's reaction was looking very strange for a man who could usually scoff anything off.

He shook his head and lowered the hourglass, taking the cloth and wrapping it back around it so it wouldn't scratch. With a stretch, he leaned to place the hourglass on the table by his bed. He wanted it safely out of the way for what he was preparing himself to do. It was all really Allen's fault and Kanda had to pay him for making him feel things that he didn't think he could feel. With the fragile item set aside, Kanda shifted and swiftly rolled himself over until he managed to slide his body over Allen's—a knee on each side of Allen's hips. The sheets tumbled over them and Kanda's tongue moved over his teeth, leaving Allen with the image or a predator.

"K…Kanda?" Allen squealed under him, unable to deny the warm tingling sensation pouring back through his body. "A…are you okay?"

He was certainly okay. His cool hands raked down Allen's naked body until the boy was shivering just a bit from the way his muscles twitched. "It's fine, Beansprout. Just close your eyes and think of England."

"I…bluh….Abuh…" Allen babbled when Kanda's tongue connected with skin by his ear and the very last thing he was thinking about was damned England.

**The End**

* * *

_A/N: Convenience on my part has me posting this on New Years so I can wish you all a happy new year! It's a bit late, but I suppose that gave me New Years well wishing. Thank you all for following this story from its birth to completion. I'm not going to lie, that I was able to write nearly 50k words within the span of a month is both amazing for my recent motivation and for irony that I failed Nano so hard last month. Ah well. _

_I hope you all enjoy the conclusion and i apologize for ugly typos. Let me know how you feel about it! With the completion of a longer story I always like to know things like "What was your favorite part", "what part made you laugh most", "what things did I neglect/or what really shined". It helps me on my trek toward future projects! That being said, I bid you all adieu and have a safe entrance into a new year! _


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